Tuesday, December 9

I'm like Jared from Subway.

flower.

Every time I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Every time you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain

Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
Ill take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything Ill do to you Ill fuck you and your minions too

Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like youre underwater
Hairs too long and in your eyes
Your lips- a perfect suck me size

You act like youre fourteen years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, rude and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen

Youre probably shy and introspective
Thats not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Jamming slamming ramming in me

Every time I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog Ill take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of is
Everything Ill do to you
Ill fuck you til your dick is blue

Monday, December 8

What kind of fuckery is this?

-drunk.

-Having a conversation with Dan is like sitting in a sauna with my best friend. We laugh at random bullshit together and know that not many people could tolerate it. If I think that I said something and it was misconstrued, I don't have to be afraid to bring it up, and that is something I'm not used to. Biting my tongue and seething in confusion has always been modus operandi.

-What does Lionel Ritchie say in that random bridge in "All Night Long"? Is he throwing out a random voodoo hex at me? Jambo jambo...

-I'm still losing weight, and people are starting to notice! I'm down nearly 24 lb. since I moved here, and I re-invested my interest last week. I'm now trying to run on the treadmill 45 minutes a day, eating the bare bones -yet amazingly fulfilling- meals that I started slacking on, and switching it up from beer to something a little less...beer-belly inducing.

-I just flossed my teeth and mouthwashed for 15 minutes. I love my teeth.

Sunday, November 16

Multi-vitamins make my pee look like the Hulk.

What's good? What ISN'T good, I say!

Last weekend went off without a hitch, except when I watched Blood Diamond while Dan slept and I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for 2 hours. Tough times in Sierra Leone, it's a hard pill to swallow. We ate at an AWESOME restaurant and I sort of fell in love with red wine.

Weekends are turning into fun times again. Next weekend I am anticipating a day trip to NYC and a Sunday trip to a psychic fair. I really miss Jen and need to see her, even if it's just for a quick drink in the middle of her birthday riot extravaganza.

The comfortable cozy little nook is still as good as ever. I think my advised plan of letting things work themselves out is paying off. That and the fact that homeslice is more interesting than anyone I've met in years. Conversation is stimulating and doesn't revolve around the same 3 topics of shows, tattoos and who went to which parties and went home with which person.

FUNNY STORY TIME!
Today at work an old man (80-85 years old) came to return a pair of boots with a broken zipper. He wasn't a tiny little decrepit guy either, he was at least 6 ft. tall and had black fingernails from some serious manual labor. As I processed his refund he said to me, "Those are some interesting earrings you've got there." I smiled and said that most people don't notice - he suggested I must watch a lot of Miami Ink. I corrected him by saying that I had tattoos before that show started airing. Then he hits me with, "My nipples are pierced." I smiled and giggled, assuming that at this point he was making fun of me.

But no. He was 100% serious.

How do I know this? Why, because he pulled up his shirt and showed me, of course.

I will probably have nightmares about those old-man droopy nippies for the rest of my life. I think he could tell that I was really uncomfortable and he pulled his shirt down and tucked it back in.

I wonder what his wife thinks of him doing that to people, as I'm SURE that this isn't the first time that he flashed a random stranger.


Boogedy boogedy boogedy.

Saturday, November 8

Just cause she dance go-go, it don't make her a ho, no.

I have a soft spot on my head from head-butting last night. It seemed so right at the time...

This weekend should be good. Brunch tomorrow with the fam. Possibly an early afternoon nap, then I will do something interesting with my hair (maybe?), meet up with Danielson, head out for a night of undetermined fun - bowling? drinks? food? live music? Possibly all of the above? Then we will adventure on Sunday to IKEA to eat some delicious food and get me a hamper and a bath mat. I am limiting myself to spending $60 so let's hope that there is some hot deals in the as-is section.

I didn't really need to post that second part, I only wanted to update on the ouchy-ness of my head.

Also, I smoked last night and woke up this morning and felt gross - quitting may finally be a reality! Hooray!


helter skelter...

Thursday, November 6

Southpaw grammar.

Mini-gripes:

1. Sure, my dad is having a bad week. That is no reason to yell at me and tell me to get a new job because I'm not scheduled for the next 5 days. I don't make my own schedule and I can't work whenever I feel like it.

2. I have been working some fabulous gloves for a fabulous boy and my stepmom decided to try them on and tore a TON of the finishing seams since they weren't completely finished yet. They don't belong to you, back off!

3. My boobs got smaller. This is not a good side effect of dropping weight. But I am down to the lowest I've been since late 2006.


Beyond that, things are going swimmingly. Possible trip to Boston this weekend, the next 5 days will rack up a lot of knitting, job applying and tread-milling. Happy with the steady constant of things and phone conversations.

Sunday, November 2

Not for the faint of heart...

Tonight Pat posted this photo of Jammy being butt-raped by Ziggy. I am worried I may have to hold an intervention for his poor little kitty butthole.




Tomorrow I work (again - meh) and then go canoeing and possibly to a show in Wallingford. I am annoyed at work for scheduling me on the one day that I had requested off next weekend. At this rate I will be gone by Thanksgiving, if not sooner. I will just keep applying to more realistic jobs and hope that someone calls me back.

I had a ton of things to say in here and now all I can do is think about Christmas and how I don't want to do any shopping. This whole "no income" thing will probably be the deciding factor.

If I get to sleep
I'll be well rested enough
To get all shitty.

Wednesday, October 29

Oh baby, Lilly Munster ain't got nothing on you.

Today I realized that I don't know what happened to the liner of my favorite jacket. After a lot of internet-digging, I found a suitable replacement. Hopefully Santa Claus will be able to supply me with this much-needed fleecy warmth. I also need to find out how to get some Tocco Magico in my hair soon. I don't know if i can wait until Christmas. Meh.

I love when I re-discover my Halloween mixes and can nap while listening to Dokken and Nick Cave. 67 songs of spooky goodness. I sort of should be knitting today (I gave myself a deadline on 2 projects), but I love being in bed while the pets are sleeping and snoring with me. I also need to move stuff so that the treadmill can be set up for use, now that it's way too cold to walk for more than a mile at a time. Again, that will involve getting up and out of bed.

I suppose I will be a little productive today, I have to re-do my dad's resume.

Tuesday, October 28

Joy Division. Ice Age.

I've seen the real atrocities,
Buried in the sand,
Stockpiled safety for a few,
While we stand holding hands.

I'm living in the Ice age,
I'm living in the Ice age,
Nothing will hold,
Nothing will fit,
Into the cold,
a smile on your lips.
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age.

Searching for another way,
Hide behind the door,
We'll live in holes and disused shafts,
Hopes for little more.

I'm living in the Ice age,
I'm living in the Ice age,
Nothing will hold,
Nothing will fit,
Into the cold,
No smile on your lips,
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age.
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age,
Living in the Ice age.
Living in the Ice age.

I'm in the ground for good...simply because you've killed me.

I really should have read the ingredients on the Midol I took tonight and noticed that there is a substantial amount of caffeine added.

Random anxious mood. I don't think I like my job anymore, it gets WAY too boring and after crunching some numbers I realized I won't be making a fraction of what I need to deal with my debt situation.

I sort of feel like going outside and yelling "WHERE IS EVERYBODY?" right now. But then I realize that I'm not too interested in where many people are anymore. Mainly because they seem just as uninterested in where I am, and it suits me just fine. I could pack up my things and move to a new state and escape under people's radar. Not to say that will be happening any time soon - I will be staying here and (hopefully) collecting my unemployment at least until April or May 2009. CRUD. That is why I need to stay at Kohl's - if I only work part time, I can keep earning unemployment from MA.

Bleh.

How do you explain to someone that you're sorry for things you've done when they hold onto negative details that you can't remember? I have this problem with every relationship - the bad times and fuck ups are always blocked out. If anyone asked me now, I couldn't name 5 fights with Chris no matter how hard I tried. But he managed to remember them for years afterward. At the same time, it reminds me of a line I read that said "When you can only talk about the past and not build new memories, it's time to move on." It's a sad reality that I have with a LOT of people still lurking around in my life. I don't want to talk about the past, I want to look towards the amazing times that have yet to come and all the adventures waiting for me out there.

Also, I am still infatuated. After a soft nudge from Aubri, I am accepting the thought of letting it happen as it will and not pushing or reading into things. also, a bit of funny back & forth today:

aubri: he does good things to you.
me: he does! wait...he does?
aubri: he makes you less...sad? no. ....mad? I dunno. You seem like you're on a more even keel.

An even keel seems to be just the right place for me - a comfortable little nook to relax in.

Monday, October 27

Chapter 28 was such a bust.

Lots of good busy times lately. Working somewhat - barely making enough to call it "work" but I can pay some credit cards off.

I almost went bowling the other night, but the power was out and it was not meant to be. Instead, we rented Mad Max, ate pizza and pondered the meaning of life and speech impediments.

For the first time in two months I think I am actually glad that I left Boston. Things somehow managed to work themselves into a nice little package. I've been losing weight, feeling positive about conquering all my bills, remembering what it's like to actually be comfortable with my situation and not being dragged into it kicking and screaming.

And I am suffering from a bout of infatuation. Ooh la la.

Monday, October 20

I want my hands in your hair pulling your face closer.

I put too much fabric softener in a load yesterday, now everything smells really strong but nice and comforting at the same time. I can't decide if I am pleased with this happy accident.

Today I went for a canoe ride with my dad. He took some photos of me while I took my own photos of foliage and swans. The swans were not into my plot to chase them, and retaliated with an attack of their own.

Tomorrow I get to "inherit" dad's car when he goes to pick up his new car. This isn't a normal thing to be excited about, unless you know how I have been living for the last 2 months. No car means that Friday night is date night with my parents, Saturday is grocery day, and that sums up my weekly activities to get out of the house. Now that I will have my own car I can drive myself to work, travel down the road to JK's and get a chili cheese dog, visit with people on days off, make my own doctor's appointments and so on. Freedom is taken for granted.

Jen has a Single White Female-esque stalker. Be safe out there, little buddy! And don't believe her when she says the puppy fell out the window on his own,

I wrote a very heart-felt, candid and pretty much gut-wrenching email to a friend several days ago. The letter has been read and not replied to. It makes you wonder how much people are invested in friendships when you aren't going to be offering unlimited access to your finances, property and residence. Not just with this one person, but with a lot of people who have dropped off the radar over the last few months. I am actually happy that now I am at a point where I can pick and choose who my friends are and who I will spend time with. My current camaraderie leaves me with good feelings. I openly tell them where I stand on things and don't need to fear the reaction.

Lemuria - "Pants" is the best song to explain my mood lately.

And I want a turkey club.



Floof likes to steal seats. Her new trick is snoring or moaning while sleeping in hidden spots and then scaring me with her creepy sounds. I love my little beastie.



After I found out I got my job, we went to dinner at Kabuki to celebrate. I don't know those people, I just wanted a photo of the onion volcano.



I've been baking a lot. It fills the boredom of my days. These were maple-flavoured.


Yum yum beef stew! I wish it wasn't 4am and I would go get some now.


And finally - the swan and views from the lake.





Monday, October 13

Here's to good times.

I am lost and broken hearted
It's been weeks since I been home
I'm gonna finish what I started
Clench my fists and stand alone

There ain't no time like the present
And there ain't secrets there
And if drinkin' was my livin'
Well then I'd be a millionaire

Here's to good times
Here's to good times
May our roads one day cross again

I am pretty
I'm pretty vacant
And I ain't afraid to die
I ain't weak or complacent
Can't you see that in my eye?

And to hell with all the others
That don't feel the same as me
And to the devil with what they're thinkin'
Because I know who I must be

Here's to good times
Here's to good times
May our roads one day cross again

Sunday, October 12

Dirty fingernails.

Last night I blew a ton of money on beer. Go me. I am going to start being on an allowance soon. Catching up with old friends is actually more fun than I imagined, and not a bit uncomfortable. Go figure.

Today I slept until 6pm. Slept through my entire day and disappointed the house. But I did wake up in time to eat dinner and have our family meeting, where my parents told me they are taking over my student loans and giving me A CAR! Now don't get excited kiddies, this just means I can drive myself to work now. I will still need to take the bus to go to Boston or anywhere fun. I am slowly getting closer to freedom and enjoying life!

Oh, and I definitely enjoyed life last night. I think I even have some scars to prove it.

Oh I do believe
In all the things you say
What comes is better than what came before

Tuesday, October 7

smash. smash. smash.

I drown in fear
North winds I hear
Grey dawn greets me
Sorrow I see
Everywhere

The sand of time
Slow burn my mind
One life, one man
To touch the hand
Of God

The end I feel
These things aren't real
Too weak to stand
I touch the hand
Of God

Thursday, October 2

I got a job!


Ok, ok...not a cleaning lady. I will be your friendly customer service lady at Kohl's starting Monday. They are starting me higher than the starting rate because I am so stellar. Hopefully I will make enough money in the next few months to buy myself a little crap-mobile to get me to and from work, and then eventually get a new job making crazy amounts of loot.

Or I will marry a tycoon. Then I will be a professional vacuumer.

Also, I have lost nearly 10 lb since moving down here. Go me!

Tuesday, September 30

I finally made something of myself.

Not only has my legacy been created through songs by Flogging Molly, Billy Joel and Christopher Cross - I am now a subtropical storm.

MIAMI (AP) -- The National Hurricane Center says Subtropical Storm Laura is keeping its strength as it churns through the north central Atlantic, far from land.

The 11th named storm of the season was centered about 585 miles south of Cape Race, Newfoundland, at 11 p.m. EDT Monday. It's moving north at about 9 mph.

Tuesday, September 23

Don't go back to him, he's a wife beater.

Lots of random things I have been thinking about writing in here.

-Which is worse, a stepmom or a mother-in-law?

-Why is my cat obsessed with dental floss? She hears me pull a piece out, wakes up and runs into the bathroom.

-Why is paypal holding my dumb money? I am SOOOO not pleased about this.

Friday, September 5

We used to...

This morning while looking for old friends to re-connect with, I found out one of them died in March. It is totally selfish, shallow and petty, but I feel like a horrible person for letting myself drop out of his life in recent years. This guy was one of the best human beings to walk this earth. He would open his door to anyone at any time, regardless of their reason. I know I can't blame anyone else for it...Fuck. I'm sad and angry and all sorts of things I am trying to push away. I really hope that I can meet up with one of our mutual friends in the next week and try to get some clarity.

Too many feelings, not enough words.

Thursday, August 28

what is closer to the truth...

It is always depressing to find out that my 60 year old aunts are dating more than me.

That's it today. I'm a little mopey.

Wednesday, August 27

A few quickies.

I am in CT for good now. I am starting to unpack and realizing that I don't need half of the things I own, so I will be most likely selling them on craigslist to strangers. I also hope to go through all my clothes and get rids of things I don't wear via Good Will donations. The jury is still out on what to do with my books, CDs, etc. We shall see.

Floof is happy that I'm back.



Jammy has a new home, 20 minutes away from where I am now. Hopefully he will love his new home.

Sunday, August 24

How do I live without you?

Leann Rimes must have been thinking of me when she wrote that song.

Today I took (probably) my last stroll down the block to the bodegas. I will miss them more than anything else in my life and neighborhood. I'm not including people in this equation, this is purely materialistic.

If you don't know what a bodega is, you are sorely missing out on life. At my favorite one I can buy loose popsicles or freeze pops, cigarettes, random food items (fresh produce, boxes of rice, cooking oil, eggs, etc.), drinks, scratch offs, and -as I learned just now- packing tape. I don't know why I even doubted that the bodega would have anything I ever need or want, that is just blasphemous. I walked in, asked for tape, and was greeted with 3 different options. The cashiers always wish me good luck when I buy lotto tickets, don't whistle at me or say obnoxious man-comments to me, and almost always make me laugh.

The suburbs do not have bodegas. Such a thing would be frowned upon and most likely run out of town in a matter of weeks. I will have to find the closest one to my house and walk there every day. Not even joking. I need this bit of friendliness, humor and soothing of my addictions to get me through the days.

Adios, amigos.

Wednesday, August 20

The final countdown.

Long time, no blog. Let's see what I've been up to...

Saturday at 2am, Jess and Jake flew into Manchester. I stayed up to make sure they didn't crash, completely disregarding the fact that I needed to be on a bus at 9am to meet mama. So sure enough at 8am I was struggling to wake up, but I managed to get dressed, threw my make up into my purse and took a bus to catch a train to catch a shuttle to meet my mom at a hotel. Whew.

Mom and I hopped in the car, drove up to Manchester to meet J+J and go to lunch. Bad idea. Why do I ever eat before I travel? Of course, the minute we walked out, I felt like I was going to die. Mom pointed out that she was surprised that I ordered what I did (a grilled chix sammich with bacon, cheese and bbq sauce) - mom, if you read this, next time SPEAK UP. Tell me to get a salad! So luckily Jess and Jacob lightened my mood and got me past my nausea and we were off to my uncle Iggy's wedding in CT, 130 miles from Manchester.

The wedding was...interesting. The ceremony itself was really touching, and the food was yummo, but I feel like I didn't talk to my relatives as much as I could have. I did get remarkably drunk and babbled to a few random people. I wonder who they were?

We eventually made our way out of the wedding (I know I promised people I would visit for holidays and was a drunky mess and played with poison ivy before I was escorted to the car. Jess took photos, I will post when she uploads them.) We drove to Boston and went to the hotel bar and eventually I found my way home. side note: while at the hotel, my dad was walking me out to a cab. The hotel has glass elevators that give a view to the lobby...and a group of girls decided that would be a perfect time to flash us. I looked away and hope to never find out if my dad noticed. Eep.

The next morning I woke up and made my way back to the hotel to have brunch with the fam. Hangovers of course lead to me feeling sick and not wanting to eat, but I gave it a go since it was big and expensive. I think I got my moneys worth at that buffet. We watched dad open his gifts and went to my storage unit to size up the amount of things we need to bring back to CT. Amazingly my stepmom said "let's bring Floof too", so off my little tiny went to her new home in CT!
I've included some photos of my new "room" - some of the stuff will be removed, some will be moved around, and eventually I will have my own bed and dresser in there.

After a few days of getting Floof settled and hanging out, I took the MEGABUS back to Boston. $17 and 4.5 hours later, here I am back in the big city, trying to pack and get ready for the last hoorah in Boston. Trying to sell all of my stuff and get ready to leave and moving Jammy to his new home all at once is a bit overwhelming. I think I will nap.




A very weird stone we saw at my uncle's house during the wedding. Had to take a photo.





Floof enjoying her car ride. She actually wasn't that bad. She got out and climbed onto my dad for a bit. They are in love. He won't admit it, but they are.




My new room. The sofabed and TV will stay. Possibly the artwork too?





Look at me, such a good little do-be, folding all the laundry. The chair, lamp, and bookshelf will most likely go.



My very own bathroom! I think everything there will stay, except those green towels. Laura only allows white towels in her life.


The bus ride. I don't think you can see it, but there is bulletproof glass behind the driver's seat. Much more reassuring than stupid GayHound.

Wednesday, August 13

Ringing true...

Leavin home, out on the road
I've been down before
Ridin along in this big ol jet plane
I've been thinkin about my home
But my love light seems so far away
And I feel like it's all been done
Somebody's tryin to make me stay
You know I've got to be movin on

Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Goodbye to all my friends at home
Goodbye to people I've trusted
I've got to go out and make my way
I might get rich you know I might get busted
But my heart keeps calling me backwards
As I get on the 707
Ridin high I got tears in my eyes
You know you got to go through hell
Before you get to heaven

Big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Touchin down in New England town
Feel the heat comin down
I've got to keep on keepin on
You know the big wheel keeps on spinnin around
And I'm goin with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I don't want to get caught up in any of that
Funky shit goin down in the city

Big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Carry me to my home
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause it's there that I belong

My life really has become a sitcom.

When you're moving your whole world becomes boxes.

That's all you think about is boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street going in and out of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean it's all you think about.

You can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate. Shut up I'm looking for boxes.

Just after a while you become like really into it you can smell them. You walk into a store. There's boxes here. Don't tell me you don't have boxes. Dammit, I can SMELL them.

I'm like I'm obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard in the morning.

You could be at a funeral. Everyone's mourning crying around, and your looking at the casket. That's a nice box. Does anyone know where that guy got that box? When he's done with it do you think I could get that? It's got some nice handles on it.

And that's what death is really. It's the last big move of your life. The hearse is like the van. The pallbearers are your close friends - the only ones you could ask to help you with a big move like that. And the casket is that great perfect box you've been waiting for your whole life.

The only problem is, once you find it you're in it.

(Seinfeld, duh. I'm funny, but not THIS funny.)

Sunday, August 10

raindrops keel fallin' on my head...

This rain is out of hand. It seems whenever an adventure is to be had, the weather wants to piss all over these plans. Literally. Today jen and I ventured out to sell DVDs and eat at IHOP. After a lovely meal of biscuits and gravy on my side and Jen receiving the biggest omelette either of us had ever seen (think The Old '96er from "The Great Outdoors), we had to face the painfully strong rain to catch the bus back home. A few stops later, this character got on:


Please note, there is NO air hole. This reminds me of my cruel and unusual past. As a child (mainly from 3-6 years old), I found unmeasurable joy in putting plastic bags and running around. This served no purpose but to scare my mom - every time she would scream and snatch the bag off my head and tell me that they will kill me. How? How could this fun balloon-like magical toy ever harm me? I fell down the stairs at least once while running with a bag on my head.

the moral of this story: I love bags.

Wednesday, August 6

Knock 'Em Out...

Stolen from Jen.

Rules/Instructions/How Tos....
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.



got it? ok, let's go:


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Is There A Way Out? The Get Up Kids

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Three Year Bitch - Sheer Terror

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Over You - Token Entry

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
What Have You Done For Me Lately? - Janet Jackson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Less Teeth More Tits - Lunachicks

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Devil's Whorehouse - Misfits

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
When We Escape - Minus The Bear

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I'm In Love With My Car - Queen

WHATS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Look Good In Leather - Cody ChesnuTT

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hardship Belongs To Me - Terror

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Drug Buddy - Evan Dando & Juliana Hatfield

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Paradise - The Shangri-La's

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Way You Make Me Feel - Paul Anka

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The Burden - Dropkick Murphys

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong - Harvey Milk

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Spun - Babes In Toyland

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
Knock 'Em Out - Lily Allen

Monday, August 4

busy busy busy.

Well thanks to my sister, possibly the best sister in the world, I was able to obtain my medication and I am back on a nice even keel. The past few nights I've gone to bed before midnight and waking up promptly after 8 hours of sleep. Hooray! Today I woke up at 7:15am and saw my Paypal money from selling my shoes went into my bank account (and then went back out to compensate for being overdrawn...anger burns in my heart at Bank of America, but it makes sense). I decided to spend my well earned money on dish soap (I guess since I load the dishes, I buy the soap too?), my own roll of TP, a dunkin sammich/coffee combo and 2 scratch-off tickets. Oh and an Arnold Palmer tall can. Yummo. The lottery tickets paid off with more $ and started a 3-hour vicious cycle of me cashing them in and buying more. I wound up being $4 ahead AND having money to buy ingredients for my porcini sauce (finally!)

To appreciate this, you must know that I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks. I am playing a game with myself that I will only buy new items if they help me consume items I already have (i.e. butter for frozen bagels), and I have had these dried porcini mushrooms for at least 3 months waiting to be loved and used. I bought a package to make arancini, and only needed a few of them. So today I set to work making my sauce:

-soak dried porcini mushrooms in hot water
-sautée 1+ cloves of garlic (I hate garlic, so I only used the tiniest bit) on some olive oil
-add mushrooms and water. I strained the mushrooms out and chopped them first, but you don't have to.
-add spices as you want. I like white pepper, salt, chix bullion cubes, and a bit of celery seed. Oh and a tiny bit of garlic powder to compensate for my lack of love for the garlic cloves.
-let this simmer for 5 minutes or so, until you can see that the mushrooms have cooked down a bit. Now here is where you can do what you prefer...I strained my sauce so I only had the liquid and tossed the mushroom/garlic chopped bits. But if you don't mind chunks in your sauce, you can leave it as is.
-Add some cream to this sauce, and simmer until it thickens. Again, use whatever cream you like, I prefer light cream because it doesn't coat your tongue.
-Don't forget to keep tasting and adjusting as you see fit!
-Finally, serve over some form of pasta.

Yum yum yum. And Jess, don't make this unless you have a death wish.


I also made some sun tea today, but if you don't know how to make that, you are on your own. Dummy.

Thursday, July 31

Those poor migrant farmers.

While looking for a missing plug today (I currently have 2 different sizes in and awant to even myself out), I found a 1903 mercury dime. This made me think 2 things.

1. How much is this thing worth? (The interweb says $1.25 - $1000.00. I lean towards the $1.25 with this condition.)


2. How many people were killed in WWI era for this dime? Or during the great depression?

I am too creepy for my own good.

Wednesday, July 30

.

Out of everything in my life right now, the one thing I hate the most is my SSRI discontinuation syndrome side effects.

Dear God, make me a bird so I could fly far far away from here.

Tuesday, July 29

Where will he get his chipotle bleu cheese bacon burger?

Bennigan's is out of business effective immediately!

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/17024807/detail.html
http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080729/UPDATES01/80729007


I don't know what's worse - this, or the fact that I found out via a fwd from my sister of Perez Hilton breaking the story.

What will Butters do? Sad sad sad.

I want action tonight. Satisfcation all night.

The past week, my horrible sleep schedule has hit an extreme. I sleep from noon until 8pm or so, wake up and eat 1 meal, then repeat the cycle. Last night I forced myself into slumber at 5am and slept until 8:30am. Hopefully I can stay awake until midnight tonight and get back on a regular cycle.

I have the biggest craving for some form of breakfast, but the second I leave my room the temperature goes up 30 degrees and the entire house smells like asshole. Maybe I will just go down to dunkin and grab a sammich and some new litter for the kids.

Side note - remember when dunkin used to put the butter on your bagel for you? Why did they stop? It's so frustrating to get all the way home and see that my bagel has cooled off too much to melt the butter. Jerkoffs. ( say that word a lot lately. Hmm.)

Saturday, July 26

title/artist

Makes me think.
Maybe it makes me think of you.


That was the last time I ever saw her-
through a shop window, sleeves to her elbows.
I walked past and kept on walking
and lit a smoke with my hands shaking.

She was something else

A few summers ago
we spent weeks in her room
just having sex and listening to jazz
and that was the life.

But I didn't know at the time

Blinds drawn at twelve noon
with daylight pouring through
projecting lines on her body

Move on, move on, move on
Smoke your smoke and move on

I should go back to
see if she's still there
standing like a statue

Tuesday, July 22

Thank you for being a friend.

I'm going to hell.

Jen: estelle getty died
Jen: poor sophia
me: HOLY SHIT NO WAY
me: i had her on my rotten dead pool
me: yes, thats the first thing i thought of.
me: ok now that i made sure my page is updated, im sad.

In case you aren't familiar, Rotten Dead Pool is a website where you pick 10 celebrities that you think will die within the next year. It's morbid and horrible and I've been playing for 4 years.

http://deadpool.rotten.com/profiles/38/36/72606.html

One down, nine to go.

Monday, July 21

workin' my way back to you, babe.

Dear internet,

How can I stay mad at you? You bring me so many joys. Watching Pet Shop Boys videos via YouTube, reading the same 12 posts on the bridge9 board over and over every week, playing bingo for hours on end in the hope of one day actually winning $2. I can't think of any other place that I could fill my days with this much multimedia from the comfort of my own bed.

That being said, you've been fucking me over lately. I got really tired of you giving access of my life to people who I don't want to be part of the big picture. I got equally irritated with the constant reminders of the people who like to make me feel like I will never be good enough. But then I ask...good enough for what? For these trivial people? Hit the road.

And then there was that stupid glimmer of hope that you gave me, internet. Remember that? When you made me think that all guys aren't typical and thanks to your help, this was going to be something productive in my life? Way to drop the ball on THAT one, information superhighway.

Nonetheless, I need you in my life. A vice is a vice, and you are mine.

Welcome me back with open arms and I will be able to forget everything in the past. Until it comes back to slap me in the face.

Love you.

Sunday, July 6

Yesterday.


Jammy being the typical ham. He just can't get enough.





Me, so content to be heading out to meet Lissa in my little silver Tiburon that I affectionately named Gina. Little did I know that Gina and I would be parting ways in a matter of hours. More on that when I have the strength and mental stability to wrap my head around what happened.

(No, I didn't get in a crash, calm down.)

More from 2001.









Saturday, July 5

2001 was a hell of a year.











I finally got access to my old BME page and ca read about all the hijinx that went down in such a good period of time. Some highlights:


*point lick*
2001/01/07 05:43 strip clubs. whoa.

i had boobies in my face. i had a stripper bite my nipple. they whispered sweet nothings into my ears and didn't charge me. the crowd cheered for more. whoa. what has happened to me? i am now officially happy with my social life. *squirts lotion into some doods anal crevice* if you ever go to Smyle's, make sure to tell them its your birthday. youre in for a real treat.

fun with lotion and tattoos and stuff.
2001/01/08 23:51 snow storm. hot dogs. wrestling. moshing. what more can a girl ask for? ps i am stinky and have been awake since 2am.

im to blame. didnt want change. things cant stay the same way.
2001/01/15 01:56

key ingredients for a fun evening include:

going to kabuki and getting wayne the hibachi chef to prepare our dinner for us again.
watching all my friends including myself getting a little silly off the sake.
cheesecake.
trading porn among friends.
going to the movies and having some strange man sitting in front of us, farting SO horribly that nobody could breathe.
when the farting man heard us all hysterically laughing and started laughing as well.
getting home before this horrendous storm started.
remembering that i cleaned my room and actually hanging up my jacket as opposed to throwing it on the floor for my dog to sleep on.

and that, my friends, is why i am single. *grin*

BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA GO!!!
2001/01/18 00:53 friends going back to college amounts for massive amounts of fun. well, ok. he IS coming back friday night. but still, what are we supposed to do tomorrow? :D

played a boardgame from 1978 that involved flying amazing spaceships (or cardboard decorated like spaceships) and fighting for one piece of plastic. battlestar gallactica. craziness. something new to focus on...board games. who needs tattoos? we have anti-monopoly and 221 B Baker Street. and it is rumored that there is a buck rogers game floating around as well. *grin* i dont want to go home and do dishes and laundry.

balls. ok?
2001/01/21 00:04 why am i still sitting here? :|

and why are you still alive :\

kisses and hugs are all i want.
2001/01/21 18:01 when did saturdays become so un-fun.

hung out with some friends. ate food. played games. lifted weights (well, not me.) played more games. lifted more weights. had a really really bad panic attack that i still cant figure out what triggered. forced someone to drive me home in the middle of a snowstorm. slept until 5pm.

is this what it feels like to be half dead?


oh, brian and james: i love you guys for putting up with my noise constantly. you are my life support, whether you know it or not.

it's the limit.
2001/02/03 01:56 cro-mags. they make brian lose his shit. antidote too. and breakdown. and one life crew.




2001/02/06 08:24 yesterday could quite possibly have been the worst day in a long long time. here is a little time line so it is as appreciated as possible:

7:00am - wake up. need to be gone for work at 7:30, and someone else is in the shower. fall back asleep.
7:20am - wake up again, jump in the shower, dont bother washing hair.
7:28am - get out of shower, stumble for clothes. put on the same thing i wore to work on friday. who fucking cares? not me.
7:40am - leave for work with stepmom in car. backing down driveway, get stuck in solid ice/snowbank.
8:15am - after a half-hour struggle to get my car out of this predicament, stepmom calls a tow truck.
8:35am - tow truck came, pulled me out, handed me a bill that i still havent looked at yet. yay! we are on our way.
9:30am - arrive at work.
10:30am - receive a call from my boss in the other office-did i remember there is a meeting in a week that nobody has been notified about? did i type the minutes yet? did i do ANYTHING that i am expected to do? no. no. and...no. off to read my shorthand and type up 8 pages of meeting minutes, while avoiding looking out the window at the snowflakes that are falling.
12:30pm - order lunch. my one savior will be buffalo wings and a calzone.
1:00pm - everyone else is starting to head home from work...except me. im waiting for my lunch and frantically trying to finish typing up these board minutes so they can get mailed tuesday. lunch isnt here yet.
1:45pm - my boss went home but im still typing. wah. where THE HELL is my lunch?!? i call again and ask where it is. they say i am next up for delivery. say byebyebye to your tip, dood.
2:15pm - lunch arrives. calzone has garlic in it and buffalo wings only have sauce on one side of them. BOO to planet pizza.
3:00pm - finally the stepmother has the sense to tell me we are going home to "beat the storm"...the storm that has been beating us since 10am.
5:30pm - we have travelled 8 miles. help me.
6:45pm - the day is looking up, we are so close to home, i can almost smell my rank dog. just 2 or 3 more miles.
7:05pm - mile to go, and i get stuck on this tiny little hill. stepmom starts telling me how to drive, what i should do, i flip on her, turn the car off, leave it abandoned on the side of the road and storm off.
7:06pm - fall in the middle of the road. fight the tears. keep walking.
7:10pm - after trying for minutes to light matches that have been soaking wet since my great fall, i throw my matches (and my cigarette)into the snow and start screaming. keep moving.
7:15pm - some doods stop and offer me a ride in their big truck. "fuck off and fuck life" is my pleasant response. keep walking.
7:18pm - happy fun neighbor family is out in the snow with their dog, playing and whatnot. i dont even smile or wave. bleh. go die.
7:20pm - home. dog attacks me. "get away from me" is my reaction. sulk upstairs about my lack of cigarettes. sulk in general.
9:30pm - after letting everyone get in much of a bad mood as i have, i go to sleep.



i hope the strobe lights dont come on!
2001/02/18 01:23 countdown to birthday mayhem. feel free to give good suggestions for what to do. or bad suggestions. any suggestions. i love the titty bar. i love blonde strippers who kiss me at the titty bar. i DONT love girls with moles on their faces and attitudes worse than my cat when he's constipated. she can get jabbed in the eye with a fork. please.



Monday, June 30

scowling gives you wrinkles.

Dear life,

Thanks for pulling a fast one on me again and fucking me over. No really, I mean it. I appreciate that you are keeping me on my toes. You fucker.

Sincerely,
me.



No idea where I will be living in September. Excuse me while I blow my fucking brains out as the only stable thing I had in my life has now disintegrated without me knowing.


Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Sunday, June 29

I'm weird.

Things brought to my attention in recent days by other people:

-I know too much about sports
-I know WAY too much about comic books
-I am in fact a crazy cat lady
-I get crazy over-analyzing stupid minor facts and don't pay attention to big pictures
-I'm a creep
-I get tattooed a lot, perhaps too often

Saturday, June 28

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.

(don't ask, it's just what I'm listening to. Not all subject lines can be witty.)

I realized I didn't post any of photos from my weekend. The answer is simple - I use my phone, and I only take photos when they are really funny or relevant. So here you go:



1. My new work on my arm/elbow. Thanks LL Cool G.


2. Me being sad to leave my big comfy bed. I mean, I was REALLY sad. I delayed check-out by an hour just to lay there a little more and eat my toast in peace. I will miss you, large squishy bed with white sheets that I got ink marks all over. We will meet again someday, perhaps...


3. Has anyone seen these??? I saw them at a 7-11 in Massapequa and just HAD to buy them. I will soon trick one of my roommates to eat them. Crabby patties...crabby chips....what's next, crabby soda? Blecch.


4. This is what the Melville Dunkin Donuts considers an iced coffee extra light, extra sweet. You fail, Melville DD. I should report you to the Better Business Bureau, as you are disgracing the name of Dunkin Donuts everywhere. What a shame. At least I didn't have to pay for it, but I didn't want them to even attempt a second time.


5. My milk and sugar on the rocks, next to a REAL iced coffee extra light extra sweet. After that first abomination, I decided to wait until I crossed the CT border to take another chance. Thank you, Paul Newman! I hope you donate the profits from my coffee purchase to charity. Nothing but love for that guy.

I failed to photograph my cornucopia of room service food.
-a cobb salad (lettuce, hard boiled egg, tomato, chicken, bacon, avocado, crumbled bleu cheese) served to me completely disassembled. A little frustrating but good at the same time so I could pull the tomatoes off with one swift move. This came with fries. Odd.
-Open-face sammich. Turkey, swiss, bacon, avocado and lettuce. It had some sort of dressing on it too, but it was easily scraped off. Oh and it was supposed to come with sprouts but I said "no way." This also came with fries. These fries smelled and tasted like chinese food. I had to put those in the hallway right away so I wouldn't throw up.
-eggs benedict. My ultimate breakfast. A poached egg with canadian bacon on half an english muffin, topped with hollandaise sauce. Yummers. I also had a side of toast that I didn't think I would want until I was lying in bed (just like Brian Wilson did). I really wanted coffee at that point but I didn't trust the machine in the room OR the hotel room service coffee. Stupid Dunkin had me in a trance. Little did I know...

On top of all that delicious overpriced food, I also bought 2 large pies (one plain cheese, one white pizza), ate 2 slices and took the rest home to enjoy and not share.

I really like food.

Now it's Saturday night and feels like a Monday afternoon. I think I'll stay in bed and watch some movies while the house has its usual Saturday night excitement. I'm still really tired. Stupid driving machine.

home again, home again. jiggity jog.

After a 5 hour drive, I am back in the big city. I walked into the apartment to be greeted by a horrible stink. Aaaahhh trash. It's great to be home. Mmm. I fed the kids and lit some candles to get the stinky out of MY room (that's what I get for leaving the door open I suppose?) and checked my Gmail. Anyone who knows me knows that I screen all calls and emails and I assume that anything and anyone offering me a job is a scam. I HAVE had offers from "staffing agencies" to add my resume to their database and be given full access to their plethora of available positions, only to find out that I will have to PAY to do this. No dice.

So I had 3 emails I barely looked at with job positions in their subject line, and I decided to archive them after a second check. The first two were indeed junk, simply saying "thank you for submitting your resume, this is the last you will ever hear from us." But the third...it was an actual person! No robots! And they want to meet with me to discuss a job!! So I investigated the company and it's actually a really upscale store on Newbury Street, doing their books and billing. I wish I had looked at this one a little more carefully, they emailed me on Tuesday and I just replied today. Nuts. But either way they LIKED ME!

Maybe Boston will work out after all. Maybe. If I get this job, then I will be meeting my deadline of July 31 and I will be able to save and get my own non-stinky apartment.

Sigh. We can only hope, right?

HOWEVER - I refuse to tell anyone what the store is because I think I jinxed my last interview.

Now I will go take a nap and dream of a new job and wake up to eat delicious NY pizza that I smuggled home.

This post is costing me $9.95

It's been a productive past few days, in a sense.

Currently I am resting in a hotel room on Long Island after a long day of sleeping late, waking up for room service, napping and then getting tattooed for 3 hours. Yesterday I drove down here after quite a few hours of delays and frustrations. Arrival at 12:30am was less than desirable, but I got to have an awesome hangout and enjoy some really good company. I think I've needed a nice neutral non-Boston environment.

I really don't want to go back home. I am growing to really truly 100% hate it there. I just found out on Wednesday that the lease has NOT been renewed. aka I am FUCKED come Sept. 1.


Also, my sternum hurts today. What the hell can a person do to make their sternum ache?

Thursday, June 26

birth is pain.

I have never been more miserable than right now.

Soap in my peehole.

Fuckity fuck ow.

I need to be in a car driving right now, not sitting here pounding liquids so I can flush this out.

Wah.

Sleep is for the weak.

Can't sleep again.

Big day.
Big weekend.
Big gulp?

If all goes as planned, within 12 hours I will be 3 states away and not thinking about stupid bullshit, just enjoying naps and movies and food and more naps.

Things to do (mainly as a reminder to myself):

-wake up by 10am
-eat breffix
-get an oil change
-shower
-check weather to decide on hair/clothes/etc
-pack for 2 days (don't forget a swimsuit!)
-feed the cats and remind Josh to feed them again Saturday AM
-see if my partner in crime is going to be able to come along
-be on the road by 1pm

Tuesday, June 24

Cartoons, not just for breakfast.

If I were to have "relations" with a cartoon character, I would narrow it down to these guys. Guidelines -

1: lanky nerds with crowns:









2. men in full costume with a smarmy personality:







3. regular guys that just plain make me laugh.