I finally made something of myself.

Not only has my legacy been created through songs by Flogging Molly, Billy Joel and Christopher Cross - I am now a subtropical storm.

MIAMI (AP) -- The National Hurricane Center says Subtropical Storm Laura is keeping its strength as it churns through the north central Atlantic, far from land.

The 11th named storm of the season was centered about 585 miles south of Cape Race, Newfoundland, at 11 p.m. EDT Monday. It's moving north at about 9 mph.

Don't go back to him, he's a wife beater.

Lots of random things I have been thinking about writing in here.

-Which is worse, a stepmom or a mother-in-law?

-Why is my cat obsessed with dental floss? She hears me pull a piece out, wakes up and runs into the bathroom.

-Why is paypal holding my dumb money? I am SOOOO not pleased about this.

We used to...

This morning while looking for old friends to re-connect with, I found out one of them died in March. It is totally selfish, shallow and petty, but I feel like a horrible person for letting myself drop out of his life in recent years. This guy was one of the best human beings to walk this earth. He would open his door to anyone at any time, regardless of their reason. I know I can't blame anyone else for it...Fuck. I'm sad and angry and all sorts of things I am trying to push away. I really hope that I can meet up with one of our mutual friends in the next week and try to get some clarity.

Too many feelings, not enough words.

what is closer to the truth...

It is always depressing to find out that my 60 year old aunts are dating more than me.

That's it today. I'm a little mopey.

A few quickies.

I am in CT for good now. I am starting to unpack and realizing that I don't need half of the things I own, so I will be most likely selling them on craigslist to strangers. I also hope to go through all my clothes and get rids of things I don't wear via Good Will donations. The jury is still out on what to do with my books, CDs, etc. We shall see.

Floof is happy that I'm back.



Jammy has a new home, 20 minutes away from where I am now. Hopefully he will love his new home.

How do I live without you?

Leann Rimes must have been thinking of me when she wrote that song.

Today I took (probably) my last stroll down the block to the bodegas. I will miss them more than anything else in my life and neighborhood. I'm not including people in this equation, this is purely materialistic.

If you don't know what a bodega is, you are sorely missing out on life. At my favorite one I can buy loose popsicles or freeze pops, cigarettes, random food items (fresh produce, boxes of rice, cooking oil, eggs, etc.), drinks, scratch offs, and -as I learned just now- packing tape. I don't know why I even doubted that the bodega would have anything I ever need or want, that is just blasphemous. I walked in, asked for tape, and was greeted with 3 different options. The cashiers always wish me good luck when I buy lotto tickets, don't whistle at me or say obnoxious man-comments to me, and almost always make me laugh.

The suburbs do not have bodegas. Such a thing would be frowned upon and most likely run out of town in a matter of weeks. I will have to find the closest one to my house and walk there every day. Not even joking. I need this bit of friendliness, humor and soothing of my addictions to get me through the days.

Adios, amigos.

The final countdown.

Long time, no blog. Let's see what I've been up to...

Saturday at 2am, Jess and Jake flew into Manchester. I stayed up to make sure they didn't crash, completely disregarding the fact that I needed to be on a bus at 9am to meet mama. So sure enough at 8am I was struggling to wake up, but I managed to get dressed, threw my make up into my purse and took a bus to catch a train to catch a shuttle to meet my mom at a hotel. Whew.

Mom and I hopped in the car, drove up to Manchester to meet J+J and go to lunch. Bad idea. Why do I ever eat before I travel? Of course, the minute we walked out, I felt like I was going to die. Mom pointed out that she was surprised that I ordered what I did (a grilled chix sammich with bacon, cheese and bbq sauce) - mom, if you read this, next time SPEAK UP. Tell me to get a salad! So luckily Jess and Jacob lightened my mood and got me past my nausea and we were off to my uncle Iggy's wedding in CT, 130 miles from Manchester.

The wedding was...interesting. The ceremony itself was really touching, and the food was yummo, but I feel like I didn't talk to my relatives as much as I could have. I did get remarkably drunk and babbled to a few random people. I wonder who they were?

We eventually made our way out of the wedding (I know I promised people I would visit for holidays and was a drunky mess and played with poison ivy before I was escorted to the car. Jess took photos, I will post when she uploads them.) We drove to Boston and went to the hotel bar and eventually I found my way home. side note: while at the hotel, my dad was walking me out to a cab. The hotel has glass elevators that give a view to the lobby...and a group of girls decided that would be a perfect time to flash us. I looked away and hope to never find out if my dad noticed. Eep.

The next morning I woke up and made my way back to the hotel to have brunch with the fam. Hangovers of course lead to me feeling sick and not wanting to eat, but I gave it a go since it was big and expensive. I think I got my moneys worth at that buffet. We watched dad open his gifts and went to my storage unit to size up the amount of things we need to bring back to CT. Amazingly my stepmom said "let's bring Floof too", so off my little tiny went to her new home in CT!
I've included some photos of my new "room" - some of the stuff will be removed, some will be moved around, and eventually I will have my own bed and dresser in there.

After a few days of getting Floof settled and hanging out, I took the MEGABUS back to Boston. $17 and 4.5 hours later, here I am back in the big city, trying to pack and get ready for the last hoorah in Boston. Trying to sell all of my stuff and get ready to leave and moving Jammy to his new home all at once is a bit overwhelming. I think I will nap.




A very weird stone we saw at my uncle's house during the wedding. Had to take a photo.





Floof enjoying her car ride. She actually wasn't that bad. She got out and climbed onto my dad for a bit. They are in love. He won't admit it, but they are.




My new room. The sofabed and TV will stay. Possibly the artwork too?





Look at me, such a good little do-be, folding all the laundry. The chair, lamp, and bookshelf will most likely go.



My very own bathroom! I think everything there will stay, except those green towels. Laura only allows white towels in her life.


The bus ride. I don't think you can see it, but there is bulletproof glass behind the driver's seat. Much more reassuring than stupid GayHound.

Ringing true...

Leavin home, out on the road
I've been down before
Ridin along in this big ol jet plane
I've been thinkin about my home
But my love light seems so far away
And I feel like it's all been done
Somebody's tryin to make me stay
You know I've got to be movin on

Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Goodbye to all my friends at home
Goodbye to people I've trusted
I've got to go out and make my way
I might get rich you know I might get busted
But my heart keeps calling me backwards
As I get on the 707
Ridin high I got tears in my eyes
You know you got to go through hell
Before you get to heaven

Big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Touchin down in New England town
Feel the heat comin down
I've got to keep on keepin on
You know the big wheel keeps on spinnin around
And I'm goin with some hesitation
You know that I can surely see
That I don't want to get caught up in any of that
Funky shit goin down in the city

Big ol jet airliner
Don't carry me too far away
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause its here that I've got to stay

Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Carry me to my home
Oh, oh big ol jet airliner
Cause it's there that I belong

My life really has become a sitcom.

When you're moving your whole world becomes boxes.

That's all you think about is boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street going in and out of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean it's all you think about.

You can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate. Shut up I'm looking for boxes.

Just after a while you become like really into it you can smell them. You walk into a store. There's boxes here. Don't tell me you don't have boxes. Dammit, I can SMELL them.

I'm like I'm obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard in the morning.

You could be at a funeral. Everyone's mourning crying around, and your looking at the casket. That's a nice box. Does anyone know where that guy got that box? When he's done with it do you think I could get that? It's got some nice handles on it.

And that's what death is really. It's the last big move of your life. The hearse is like the van. The pallbearers are your close friends - the only ones you could ask to help you with a big move like that. And the casket is that great perfect box you've been waiting for your whole life.

The only problem is, once you find it you're in it.

(Seinfeld, duh. I'm funny, but not THIS funny.)

raindrops keel fallin' on my head...

This rain is out of hand. It seems whenever an adventure is to be had, the weather wants to piss all over these plans. Literally. Today jen and I ventured out to sell DVDs and eat at IHOP. After a lovely meal of biscuits and gravy on my side and Jen receiving the biggest omelette either of us had ever seen (think The Old '96er from "The Great Outdoors), we had to face the painfully strong rain to catch the bus back home. A few stops later, this character got on:


Please note, there is NO air hole. This reminds me of my cruel and unusual past. As a child (mainly from 3-6 years old), I found unmeasurable joy in putting plastic bags and running around. This served no purpose but to scare my mom - every time she would scream and snatch the bag off my head and tell me that they will kill me. How? How could this fun balloon-like magical toy ever harm me? I fell down the stairs at least once while running with a bag on my head.

the moral of this story: I love bags.

Knock 'Em Out...

Stolen from Jen.

Rules/Instructions/How Tos....
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.



got it? ok, let's go:


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Is There A Way Out? The Get Up Kids

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Three Year Bitch - Sheer Terror

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Over You - Token Entry

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
What Have You Done For Me Lately? - Janet Jackson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Less Teeth More Tits - Lunachicks

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Devil's Whorehouse - Misfits

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
When We Escape - Minus The Bear

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I'm In Love With My Car - Queen

WHATS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Look Good In Leather - Cody ChesnuTT

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hardship Belongs To Me - Terror

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Drug Buddy - Evan Dando & Juliana Hatfield

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Paradise - The Shangri-La's

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Way You Make Me Feel - Paul Anka

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The Burden - Dropkick Murphys

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong - Harvey Milk

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Spun - Babes In Toyland

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
Knock 'Em Out - Lily Allen

busy busy busy.

Well thanks to my sister, possibly the best sister in the world, I was able to obtain my medication and I am back on a nice even keel. The past few nights I've gone to bed before midnight and waking up promptly after 8 hours of sleep. Hooray! Today I woke up at 7:15am and saw my Paypal money from selling my shoes went into my bank account (and then went back out to compensate for being overdrawn...anger burns in my heart at Bank of America, but it makes sense). I decided to spend my well earned money on dish soap (I guess since I load the dishes, I buy the soap too?), my own roll of TP, a dunkin sammich/coffee combo and 2 scratch-off tickets. Oh and an Arnold Palmer tall can. Yummo. The lottery tickets paid off with more $ and started a 3-hour vicious cycle of me cashing them in and buying more. I wound up being $4 ahead AND having money to buy ingredients for my porcini sauce (finally!)

To appreciate this, you must know that I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks. I am playing a game with myself that I will only buy new items if they help me consume items I already have (i.e. butter for frozen bagels), and I have had these dried porcini mushrooms for at least 3 months waiting to be loved and used. I bought a package to make arancini, and only needed a few of them. So today I set to work making my sauce:

-soak dried porcini mushrooms in hot water
-sautée 1+ cloves of garlic (I hate garlic, so I only used the tiniest bit) on some olive oil
-add mushrooms and water. I strained the mushrooms out and chopped them first, but you don't have to.
-add spices as you want. I like white pepper, salt, chix bullion cubes, and a bit of celery seed. Oh and a tiny bit of garlic powder to compensate for my lack of love for the garlic cloves.
-let this simmer for 5 minutes or so, until you can see that the mushrooms have cooked down a bit. Now here is where you can do what you prefer...I strained my sauce so I only had the liquid and tossed the mushroom/garlic chopped bits. But if you don't mind chunks in your sauce, you can leave it as is.
-Add some cream to this sauce, and simmer until it thickens. Again, use whatever cream you like, I prefer light cream because it doesn't coat your tongue.
-Don't forget to keep tasting and adjusting as you see fit!
-Finally, serve over some form of pasta.

Yum yum yum. And Jess, don't make this unless you have a death wish.


I also made some sun tea today, but if you don't know how to make that, you are on your own. Dummy.

Those poor migrant farmers.

While looking for a missing plug today (I currently have 2 different sizes in and awant to even myself out), I found a 1903 mercury dime. This made me think 2 things.

1. How much is this thing worth? (The interweb says $1.25 - $1000.00. I lean towards the $1.25 with this condition.)


2. How many people were killed in WWI era for this dime? Or during the great depression?

I am too creepy for my own good.

.

Out of everything in my life right now, the one thing I hate the most is my SSRI discontinuation syndrome side effects.

Dear God, make me a bird so I could fly far far away from here.

Where will he get his chipotle bleu cheese bacon burger?

Bennigan's is out of business effective immediately!

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/17024807/detail.html
http://www.coloradoan.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080729/UPDATES01/80729007


I don't know what's worse - this, or the fact that I found out via a fwd from my sister of Perez Hilton breaking the story.

What will Butters do? Sad sad sad.

I want action tonight. Satisfcation all night.

The past week, my horrible sleep schedule has hit an extreme. I sleep from noon until 8pm or so, wake up and eat 1 meal, then repeat the cycle. Last night I forced myself into slumber at 5am and slept until 8:30am. Hopefully I can stay awake until midnight tonight and get back on a regular cycle.

I have the biggest craving for some form of breakfast, but the second I leave my room the temperature goes up 30 degrees and the entire house smells like asshole. Maybe I will just go down to dunkin and grab a sammich and some new litter for the kids.

Side note - remember when dunkin used to put the butter on your bagel for you? Why did they stop? It's so frustrating to get all the way home and see that my bagel has cooled off too much to melt the butter. Jerkoffs. ( say that word a lot lately. Hmm.)

title/artist

Makes me think.
Maybe it makes me think of you.

That was the last time I ever saw her-
through a shop window, sleeves to her elbows.
I walked past and kept on walking
and lit a smoke with my hands shaking.

She was something else

A few summers ago
we spent weeks in her room
just having sex and listening to jazz
and that was the life.

But I didn't know at the time

Blinds drawn at twelve noon
with daylight pouring through
projecting lines on her body

Move on, move on, move on
Smoke your smoke and move on

I should go back to
see if she's still there
standing like a statue

Thank you for being a friend.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

workin' my way back to you, babe.

Dear internet,

How can I stay mad at you? You bring me so many joys. Watching Pet Shop Boys videos via YouTube, reading the same 12 posts on the bridge9 board over and over every week, playing bingo for hours on end in the hope of one day actually winning $2. I can't think of any other place that I could fill my days with this much multimedia from the comfort of my own bed.

That being said, you've been fucking me over lately. I got really tired of you giving access of my life to people who I don't want to be part of the big picture. I got equally irritated with the constant reminders of the people who like to make me feel like I will never be good enough. But then I ask...good enough for what? For these trivial people? Hit the road.

And then there was that stupid glimmer of hope that you gave me, internet. Remember that? When you made me think that all guys aren't typical and thanks to your help, this was going to be something productive in my life? Way to drop the ball on THAT one, information superhighway.

Nonetheless, I need you in my life. A vice is a vice, and you are mine.

Welcome me back with open arms and I will be able to forget everything in the past. Until it comes back to slap me in the face.

Love you.

Yesterday.

Jammy being the typical ham. He just can't get enough.





Me, so content to be heading out to meet Lissa in my little silver Tiburon that I affectionately named Gina. Little did I know that Gina and I would be parting ways in a matter of hours. More on that when I have the strength and mental stability to wrap my head around what happened.

(No, I didn't get in a crash, calm down.)