I knew you'd be gone as soon as you could. And I hoped you would.

Crap crap and more crap.

My uber-crush turned into an uber-disappointment, how surprising. I mean, it was completely unlike every other guy I know or put any effort into. At least I got a case of beer out of the deal, I suppose?

I got really sad today remembering how shitty of a year it's been for a lot of people I care about, myself included. Hopefully my garbage and drama is finally wrapping up this weekend and I can finally go on to be myself and learn to be less of a dumbass.

I'm grinding my teeth a lot.

I hate that I have to go into a room and not know what to expect or what to face and be angry from the moment I step foot inside, and then somehow go to work and function. Luckily drinks will be served promptly after work and I will be getting tattooed on Sunday and seeing good friends for the next few weeks.

The love of my life comes home for a few weeks and I don't know where to begin on the excitement/stress/build-up this is going to give me. The last time we were together, I broke bones in my hands and my feet and made a typical fool of myself.

stuff...

-why don't some boys ever kiss? weird.

-how much of the population these days drinks tap water?

-I have an uber-crush.

knitty knit.

Some progress on Christmas gifts. I had a dream that it was nearly Christmas and I had nothing ready, so I had to go shopping last minute. Horrible.

"What does that mean?"

I'm going to start telling people that I got my chestpiece as a tribute to Seinfeld. It's too much of a pain in the ass to try to explain to everyone.

Sometimes I read the "missed connections" on craigslist and hope that one if for me. Then I remember that I never leave the house, so nobody could spot me and feel like they missed out on something.

Knitting at 6am while watching Sesame Street is totally healthy, right?

Comings and goings, ebbings and flowings...

Summer gardening has become a fabulous hobby. I gave my first two ripe tomatoes to my two best girls. Someday thy will hopefully see eye to eye and we can feast on the bounty together. I made a pesto out of my basil, and it is sitting in the freezer waiting for the winter when I really want something fresh and summer-y to eat. The peppers are starting to grow, and are just too cute for words. Once they turn red, I need to come up with something good to make from them. Tomorrow I will pick the red tomatoes (there are 2 more), and make a pot roast or a stew. Something hearty and healthy and fresh.

Knitting took a break so far this week in exchange for ... nothing.

If I forget between now and Christmas, I would like a dehydrator and a pressure cooker/canner so that I can become a bit more self sufficient. My "bad foods" shelf is nearly empty, so there will be plenty of room for canning and dehydrating. Next step - clean out the fridge and defrost it.

The start of a scarf...maybe?

I figured since I'm not working, I might as well start some of my holiday projects. I have a few half-finished scarves of different colors, and I need to start working on an afghan for on of my lovely ladies...but I won't start that until she knows the sex. So for now, I will try to finish some of these scarves, and be a good gift-giver.

Here is one that I started last night rather than work on my other projects...typical me.

a typical day in the life...

I left my house to pick up my car (costing me $751.35 for new brakes. Not cool) and right before I left, I made sure to water my little tomatoes...only to be greeted with this 10 minutes later.

migraine.

I've been detoxing myself from Celexa, and it gives me thee worst migraines you could ever imagine. Reading about other people's withdrawal symptoms online, I am NOT looking forward to the next few weeks. Up until now I would take half a pill when the headaches were bad, but now I am just going to try to go as long as possible without that half a pill.

Moving on. If you had $5,000.00, what would you do with it? I am actually being a good girl and paying off a lot of my bills. I am tired of ignoring phone calls because I know they want my money. And if I have any leftover, I want to go visit James in Norway. That reminds me, I should renew my passport.

I really should start to write down the funny things I say at the bar. A recent conversation:

Jen: I think he's fighting with his girlfriend.
(at this point I went to the ladies room to investigate)
me: yeah, some girl is screaming at him. Go check it out...
Jen (upon her return): Ok I saw her, the girl in the booty shorts.
me: You mean that Glad trash bag she put on?

It really isn't nearly as funny now that I read it.

wallet.

I woke up this morning and struggled for a few hours trying to remember what his wallet looked like. Finally it came back to me. It was black leather, possibly man-made materials and a big embroidered iron cross was on one side. Two metal snaps were an upgrade from velcro. Those metal snaps wore holes in all his pants - two lonely symmetrical holes. Those holes were always on the outside of his right back pocket, he wore his wallet in that pocket with the snaps facing out, preventing awkwardness when he sat down.

There was a cheap chain attached to the willet with a flimsy clip that always got stuck on out seatbelts when he sat in the passenger side. When the clip finally gave out, I bought him two replacements for a gift. I think it was Christmas. The length of chain was the key, and I never got a chance to sneak a measurement. The other end of the chain had a leather loop he could attach to his right front belt loop. It was more of a security (and forgetfulness) measure than a fashion statement.

I wonder if he has upgraded to a more acceptable couture wallet. It wouldn’t seem acceptable to approach the New York society with a wallet chain...it would seem too simple for them.

I’m not sure what makes me more upset - trying to come to grips with the fact that I’ve lost the person, or realizing that soon I’ll start losing the memories and the details. Is this like “Beaches”, when Hillary starts ripping apart her beach house trying to find a photo of her mother’s hands? I’m at a loss...

you're so typical.

I was pumping gas this morning, and saw a VERY attractive guy walking by in a t-shirt, and full sleeves. As he went into the gas station to pay, I unzipped my hoodie just enough to give myself a little cleavage, and stared at him as he walked back to his car...only to notice he was driving a taxicab! My dreams all came true for a brief instant. Then I hopped back in my car and faced my reality. Not quite as fun as the thought of hopping in that cab...

the internet is so smart.

Well, I took a career quiz today, and it said:

"You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind, without having to be involved with lots of people. You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be involved deeply in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others at all costs.

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like things to be left in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something.

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them."

Some careers suggested:

Novelist
Photographer
Vet
Medical Technician
Paralegal
Geologist
Marine Biologist
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Computer Security
Producer
Computer Programmer
Technical Writer
Systems Analyst
Meteorologist
Artist

Now, I can look at this list and cut it down just by knowing what I will be bored doing. this leaves me with:

Novelist
Photographer
Vet
Geologist
Marine Biologist
Graphic Designer
Producer
Meteorologist
Artist

I think I need to start doing a bit of writing, and maybe see where it takes me, maybe send things in somewhere...I'm at a bit of a standstill now. crud.

word em up.

ATTN: you people who owe me money. You know who you are...stop ignoring me.

To people who seem to be ruining my days...stop being selfish. Try ruining someone else's. Like your parents. I'm sure they are very disappointed in you and what you've made of yourself.

Also, claiming "blissful ignorance" or "poor me" to justify your actions doesn't float. You aren't a dumbass, you haven't been hit with a lifetime of misery and sorrow, you're from the suburbs and things could be a LOT worse.

Morrissey didn't write those songs with you in mind.

random observations.

-All boys cheat. Really, I promise. All of them. James Garvey is the only one that I can think of who never has. Maybe the fact that I'm friends with guys and they seem comfortable enough to give me the play-by-plays of their sex life makes me a little more aware of this than other girls? If I try to bring it up to other girls I know, they will either:

a. say that I am a bitter jaded old cat lady

b. turn angry, defensive and say I'm lying or

c. get sad and realize they've been cheated on

-Why does facebook need to let me know when people are broken up by notifying the entire public with a little picture of a broken heart? What a bum out.

-I'm having one of those downhill moments in life when I become astoundingly disappointed in people that I consider my friends. When the phrase "I expect that sort of behaviour from xxxx, not you" dances through my mind over and over again, it's time to start hanging out solo.

-Is there an easy way to tell if a lobster is male or female? I hate referring to them as "it".

-New sofa tomorrow. Floof is very excited. She has been saying goodbye to the bit of carpet that she will no longer have access to...

Does that make me a bad breaker-upper?

I sometimes feel like I am slowly evolving into Elaine Benes. Not so much in the casual sex unable to keep a commitment with a boyfriend way, but more in the irritation with the workplace. How often do people need to celebrate life activities? We have get-togethers for the following:
-first day
-last day
-birthday
-anniversary at the office
-going on maternity leave
-engagement
-visitors in the office
-launching a new product

I am waiting for someone to walk in and start singing "get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well." Honestly, I could care less if it's your first day, or your last day, or if you are about to go squeeze a child out of your loins. None of this has anything to do with me, or the large can that you received from the Popcorn Factory. I get genuinely angry and annoyed that these people, all salaried and not hourly, are wasting 2-3 hours of their day to reminisce about the tight bond that was formed over their 8 months of employment here. If you don't know where I live or what kind of beer I drink, then you were never my friend.

Also: this coming weekend will be composed of a beach, a puppy, salt water taffy, an AK 47, and lots of smiles.

big girls don't cry...

but they damn sure lie, look you in the eye saying you're their only.


This weekend was a good test of "How To Act In Public" vs. "How Not To Act In Public." Went out to a few random locations, old haunts and new regular hang-outs. At every single location, I saw someone that I didn't want to deal with.

Ladies and gentlemen...Special Elvis

Saturday morning started with big plans and lots of good intentions. Jen and I had promised each other that we would be going to yoga every Saturday at 11:30am. Unfortunately this morning I had mis-calculated my budget and couldn't afford to splurge on an hour of brutal body stretches and bruising up my "sitting bones." I sent Jen a quick text to update her on my financial woes, watched a bit of Playhouse Disney (one of my weekend guilty pleasures), and headed back to bed, where I slept until 3:30pm.

When my body finally let me know that it was well-rested enough for the day, I did some household tidying (read: washed 4 dishes and took a bath). Jen let me know that she was on her way over to start an evening of random adventure...only to inform me 5 minutes later that she was on the wrong bus and heading towards Kenmore Square. She corrected her mistake and arrived with plenty of time to spare. Our game plan was to head to the Roxy, enjoy a night with Lily Allen, hopefully scam our way into backstage, and head towards my apartment afterwards. We succeeded in some of these missions - the closest that we came to backstage at the show was Jen having conversation with one of her horn players about The Specials and swooning for his accent (Scottish I think?). I threw $6 away on a 16oz. Bud Light, after spending $1.80 for 24oz of the same at the liquor store down my block. For a little while on the train, I was one of those not-so-classy kids drinking out of a paper bag. Thank goodness nobody took a photo.

After our adventure at the Roxy, it was only 10pm and Jen and I were VERY sure that it was time for karaoke. Lucky for us, the bar down my block was pretty empty, so Jen was able to get a few good songs in - Jukebox Hero and London Calling. We also found love for her in the form of a pretty boy in his early 20s, only to find out that he was actually 33 and preferred the company of men. He was good conversation, constantly pointing out that I did not need to rely on others to buy me a drink, since I already had one in my hand.

The karaoke DJ was not our regular, who opens the night by singing "Brown Eyed Girl" to get the crowd excited. Instead we were greeted with a sub-par cover of an Oasis song, and soon Jen and I were worried that our favorite karaoke celerity, Special Elvis, would not be making an appearance. Special Elvis is, for lack of a better word, special. He sings not only Elvis songs, but throws in the Dave Clark Five, Roy Orbison, and anything else that he struggles to hit the high notes on. He isn't the most on-pitch singer, but he is a crowd pleaser. Luckily, Special Elvis was running late, and greeted us with a tear-worthy rendition of Lionel Ritchie's "Hello". He later informed us of his performance schedules and where we can catch his act during the week.

As we made our way home in the cold at 2:30am, we were both glad that we hadn't put our bodies through a morning of yoga. Catching up on our sleep and preparing for an evening of dancing and karaoke was a much more worthwhile way to spend a Saturday.