stuff going on right now.

I am still (f)unemployed. I apply to at least 10 jobs a day, I force myself sometimes, but it happens. I have had ONE interview since April - at Lush on Newbury Street, and they didn't call me back or return my phone call, so I am guessing I tanked that one. A few places have straight out told me via email that I am far too over-qualified for these jobs, but they don't realize that at this point I just need money so I can pay bills and buy gas and do exciting things such as buying new glasses.

I am really in a spot right now. I am applying to jobs in the Boston area, hoping that if I get hired I will no longer need to commute with a car. Gas prices are only going to get higher and there is no way I can talk myself into driving vs taking the bus.

I keep selling items in my storage space, realizing I hate the memories that connect with them and I really could use the cash.

BUT. If I don't see myself getting a job by late July, I am thinking it might be time to pack it in and call it a day for Boston. The things I moved here for aren't part of the equation anymore. School is unaffordable (and I have to pay them the $6,000 I owe before I can start classes again). Work is non-existent with no signs of improvement in the near future. Love life...I haven't had one of those in at least a solid year, and everyone in this city seems to know somebody else who happens to be friends with so-and-so and so on and so forth.

Therefore, I am setting a deadline for myself. If I do not have a job by July 31st, I am going to take the high road and find somewhere new to call home. It might be somewhere in New England, New York, Maryland...all I know is I can't go much longer living with 4 guys and not having any money. One very serious option is to sell my car and rent a room with my friend Casey. Another is to find a room down near Lissa.

I just don't feel a pull in any direction forcing me to stay or leave. I will have friends in places that I don't live regardless; I already have that situation and have accepted that I can't pack them and take them with me if I leave.

And beyond this whole ordeal, I need to figure out what to do with myself financially. As it stands, I am parking my car in secret undisclosed locations to dodge the repo man. I have so many collection calls a day that I don't bother to answer my phone unless I know who it is, and even then it's still 50/50. Rent is due in a week and I haven't even tried to cross that bridge yet.

I am almost tempted to find a job, work there until September and save enough money to move and then leave. I just want to get out of this rut and I am finding very few options outside of leaving the Boston area.

Input is always appreciated, even when I get defensive. I have too much pride to admit that I failed sometimes, and this is the biggest lump of failure I've had to swallow in a long time.




Oh and PS - I'm also allergic to bee stings. Think Robert Goulet.

Sweat seeps in your eyes at night and you realize that no one understands you.

Talk of peanut butter lately made me want to make a list of my allergies. Here goes...

-Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, Nuprin)
-Amoxocillin (Augmentin mainly)
-tree nuts (macadamia nuts, brazil nuts, cashews, almonds, walnuts, pecans, pistachios, chestnuts, beechnuts, hazelnuts, pine nuts, gingko nuts and hickory nuts)
-peanuts and peanut butter
-grapefruits (no Fresca for me!)

I used to be allergic to freshly cut grass, but it doesn't seem to bother me as much now.

Can't sleep...clown will eat me.

It's 7:15am and I haven't been to bed yet. At 5am or so, I found a PERFECT job at Whole Foods doing payroll, so I killed some time and applied there.

Here's to hoping I am back in the stable world of living soon and can move out to my own place soon-ish. I'm hoping for a Sept.1 move-in date.

Boston mass is the...rippenest town? Not so much...

pretentious

Main Entry:
pre·ten·tious

1: characterized by pretension: as a: making usually unjustified or excessive claims (as of value or standing) b: expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature 2: making demands on one's skill, ability, or means : ambitious

Dear Boston,

I'm over you. I am tired of your dance nights and coke parties full of two-faced fence walking people posing for photos together just to be seen (or scene). Clearly I have outgrown you and have no need for anything that you offer. I'd like to say it's been real, but it hasn't. This city is the LA of the east coast, with the phoniest people I've come across in my life.

Peace.

I love my friends more than ever when I'm down and fucking out.

(spelling and grammar have been corrected to make us look wise beyond our years.)


me: I'm cranky as shit and just wrote a pretend letter to my old boss
Casey: I do that all the time
me: I want to send it!
Casey: I write emails on MS word then don't send them cuz I'm a pussy
me: "Dear Tracy, thanks for firing me and refusing my unemployment, therefore guaranteeing that you were ruining my life. I'm not sure if you've heard, but this is the worst job market since 1981. I have resorted to selling my own furniture to pay rent. Thanks for the opportunity for me to see what it feels like to really have nothing. It makes me grateful to not be as greedy as you. but back to the point at hand. Thank you for not giving me a chance to defend myself in a situation where i was a deer in headlights. and thanks for generally ruining my life. I hear karma's a bitch, you might want to make sure you stay on the sidewalks for a while."
Casey: that is the sweetest email ever, but I would advise against sending it, because, karma has a way of rewarding the good people and that might score some bad points
me: i have also contemplated robbing her
me: or banging her boyfriend
Casey: fuck the asswipes that don't give a shit about others, and you need to concentrate on you Casey: I mean the world I'm drunk
me: haha I've got $7
me: and negative $280 in the bank
Casey: hey I'm really excited that you are coming to visit btw I think we got lots to discuss, I too am a slacker retard that is way better then corporate world chooses to see
me: we should start a company
me: but I need to sell my bed in order to visit
Casey: actually that is what I'm planning to do
me: doing what?
Casey: start my own company
Casey: production
me: hmmm i will come move in and bring floof and jammy
Casey: I would welcome you with open arms you got 400 bucks a month if so you are in like flynn
me: hahaha i have $7.
me: im also running from the repo man
Casey: close enough, we can make this work
me: not really a "desirable" tenant

What a busy day of nothing...

Just made myself some dinner (Radiatori pasta, some random sauce I had left over, and grated pecorino) and now while I wait for Tiff to be ready, I will make a list of ideal (but not essential) qualities in the next person I date.

-taller than me. No budging on this one. I'm all set with my height but I like feeling tiny when I'm around someone and knowing I can fall asleep with my knees in the back of their upper thighs. It's hard to explain, but it's very comfortable. Also feeling the presence of someone on your spine is very reassuring.

-Horror movies. Don't get me wrong, no guy is going to openly hate Friday the 13th, but I need someone who will put up with me watching parts 1 thru 8 on a monthly basis. And being terrified and hiding my face, asking when it's safe to look. I even like to be tricked and uncovering my eyes only to see half of someone's brain oozing out. Sometimes.

-Food. If you don't like food, what are you doing even associating with me? Waste of space. But beyond that, I need someone who will keep an eye out for my moronic allergies and warn me if I may die from what I just ordered off a menu. And I like to sneak things I'm allergic to as well. Don't ask me why, I just do.

-Drugs are bad, mmmmkay? I live with them and I can tolerate them, but I'll be damned if I start any sort of emotional connection to someone who would rather smoke a bowl than read a book.

-Cleanliness is next to godliness. I've been spoiled and all the men in my life have bathed daily, sometimes more than once a day. Not a bad habit, folks...

-Most importantly, I want someone who makes me want to be a better person. I don't need a "fixer-upper" guy who I see a bunch of flaws in but tell myself "it's ok, he's really nice...let's forget the seedy underhanded things that he does to pay his rent" etc. I want someone who has his shit together and will kick my ass into gear.


So - need and want are two different things. If the right moment came along, I could probably create a new list completely different from this one. But right now, this is what I feel that I need. Not want, but need.

Except the allergy thing. Try to keep me alive if you want to date me, please? thx.

pick-me-ups.

-my spinach seeds are starting to sprout; my garden wasn't totally washed out by the huge storms after all!

-I just found a box of 100 cal smart food bags. So good.

-Pet Shop Boys make everything better. I have the biggest fag hag crush on the singer.

-I can see the sun setting and it's a lovely shade of purple tonight.

Things can only get better...Howard Jones told me so.

fuckity fuck fuck fucker fuck.

Bad day. Bad bad bad bad day.

Frannie's family tailor shop burned down. To the fucking ground. There is NOTHING left. I cried when I read the article and saw Fran's zio standing there looking defeated. What the fuck kind of bullshit is THAT, God?!? Hasn't that family been through enough? Not posi.

I still haven't heard back from the dillhole who offered to buy my bed. It's awesome that he wants to drive down from VT to buy it. Not so awesome that he HASN'T REPLIED in two days and I turned other people away.

I need money. Badly. I am close to tears about this. Hate this. Grr.

A few minutes inside my brain...

me: oh i also sent an awesome petty text to xxxxx
me: "hey, you owe me $$"
me: :D
Jen: hahaha
Jen: think you'll ever see it?
me: i told heather to put a little fear of god into him
Jen: hahaha
me: not to say id actually do anything, but its good for him to know that i can very easily do something
Jen: hahaha
me: jen, i AM a bully!!! im classic ADHD girl
Jen: it's ok laura
Jen: you're just a little......excited
Jen: and you want to share it

a koala's lament.

Dear Laura,

Stop writing blogs on the first day of your period.

For reference, please see June 15th and May 14th.

You'll thank me for it later.

Sincerely,

Your sad little heart.

It's one of THOSE posts again. Don't read it if you don't want to be bummed.

-I spend, on average, 22 hours a day in bed. The other 2 hours are spent using the bathroom, smoking, or preparing food. For some reason I see no need to change this.

-I haven't been on a "date" since December 2006 (I think.) By date I mean meeting up with someone, going somewhere specifically to get to know them, eating some food or doing some sort of activity, not having other people there for "hang-out" buffers, and sharing a car.

-I haven't kissed anyone since December 2, 2007. That one is official, and makes me officially pathetic.

-This past Saturday would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary.

-Last night I watched "Ordinary People" and laid in bed sobbing until 6am. I know that movie gets to me so much, I purposely packed the book away to storage. Anyone hungry for a big heaping serving of masochism?

-Had a job interview at Lush last Monday. They haven't called me back. Phooey. I've been sending my resume to more than a dozen leads a day, and this was the first interview I've had. Um...keep the faith?

bleh.

Burnt by the sun.

We (Jen, Tiffany and myself) went to the beach today. I am tired and will try to add commentary to these photos as much as possible:





Me, self-portrait. You never realize it, but you can't see anything when you take your own photo on a sunny day.


Jen took this one, I think she was trying to be sly and I caught her.


Also taken by Jen.


happy Laura likes the sun!


The water was a nasty shade of chartreuse, these photos don't do it justice at all.



My classic "feet at the beach" shot. I've taken one every year since 2005. Go me.


This little McNugget came along for the fun.



Dressed in its best beach gear.

Oh, did I fail to mention the THOUSANDS of jellyfish that ruined any chance of me going in the water?

Haven't these cats ever heard of Rosa Parks?

SEGREGATION NEVER!





INTEGRATION NOW!!!

hunks, dreamboats, hubba hubba...

I decided just now, right this very minute, to make a collected list of my celebrity crushes. In no particular order:

-Steve Martin
-Dan Akroyd
-Chevy Chase
-James Caan
-Tom Hanks (sometimes...)
-Tim Roth
-Owen Wilson (except in Royal Tennenbaums, Luke wins by default)
-Christian Bale
-Glenn Quinn (RIP)
-Anderson Cooper
-Jake Gyllenhaal

Recent excitement (or lack thereof) in my life...in pictures.

1. Jammy has trouble cleaning his own tail, he can't really reach it. I helped him out today. He was very appreciative. Lissa later sent me a video of her cat, Toby, who does the same thing. Boys will be boys....




2. A sign down the block from me that I saw while driving home this afternoon. In case you can't read it, it says:

BOSTON RESIDENTS
HAZARDOUS WASTE
DROP OFF AT ASS
SAT JUNE 14
9AM - 3PM

Made me laugh. I'm 12, I know.





3. My dad and Jacob (my sister's boyfriend) wandering the streets of NYC today. I'm sure there is a reason why they took a shot at this spot, I'll find out some day. Maybe.





4. Momma showing a dress that we found at Macy's. I didn't try it on, I thought Jen would be interested. I then tried on a bunch of nana clothes and had a mini temper tantrum. I HATE Macy's. I am waaaay too young for that garbage. Mommy also told me that I need to start buying wrinkle cream and control top underpants. Ooof. At least I managed to get my hair cut and coloured.





5. Mono is my co-pilot.

Does that make Floof my Blondie?

When I was visiting my dad, he told me that my sandwich making style is Dagwood-worthy. Today I made a little one and decided to take photos for documentation.

First, I sliced a poppy seed kaiser roll in half, and put a heaping serving of Grey Poupon on either side.
Then, I placed 3 slices of maple cured turkey on the bottom half.
I followed this with 3 slices of provalone.
Then 2 slices turkey, 2 slices provalone.
Followed up with 1 slice turkey, 1 slice provalone.
Finally, I topped it all off with 2 huge pieces of romaine lettuce, ripped into smaller pieces.

VOILA!



Now...I have been known to make ridiculous sandwiches in my day (stay clear from me if I'm at a deli or sub shop), but this one is pretty plain. Other in my past have included:
-peanut butter, jelly, banana, honey and bacon
-BLT with turkey, mayo, mustard, pickle slices, and olives (spanish, of course)
-roast turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy all on very thick french rolls (stupid restaurant and sub chains stole my idea, I swear)

One day I will make a sandwich too big for my mouth. I get pretty close to it these days...

Everything came up milhouse!

Today was kickass good. here are some excerpts and photos as needed.

I didn't go to bed until 5:30am (at least), but managed to wake up at 11:30am. This is a serious accomplishment. AND I didn't nap. I was tempted to, and I was laying with Floof for a bit, but no sleeping occurred.

Around 1pm or so I remembered that I needed to move my car. I had parked it illegally in a "permit only" zone. I feared the worst - ticket? A big yellow boot on my tire? Towed to the impound lot? I got to my car to see...nothing. The lovely Boston area ticket-issuing community looked over my car, but gave tickets to others. I swiftly moved my car back into the driveway, where it is safe from the wicked hand of the Boston Parking Devil.

I watched a few episodes of Kate & Allie on Netflix, and decided being without a TV is probably for the best right now. In between episodes, I cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher twice and made myself some lunch. Everyone knows that I love fast food more than I love...well, something. But I really need to utilize the food I have in-house.

I showered (yay me!) and met my TV-purchasing buddy at my storage unit. While waiting, I chatted with my dad, who seemed happy to talk but got on my case about job hunting... meh. He said I seem to be able to come up with a reason to not apply to anything. I shot him down and told him I applied to a bunch of places yesterday - namely New Balance, WGBH (local PBS station) and Sam Adams (yay!). Hopefully someone gets back to me next week.

The new owner of my Sony giganta-screen TV met me and loaded her prize into a van. I decided to poke around in my storage space to see if I could find my jewelry (see earlier entry on this one. Bring kleenex.), and low and behold I found a box that wasn't taped up! Anyone who has seen me pack knows that I wrap, tape and label EVERY SINGLE BOX and to find one sitting wide open was a great sign. I peeked inside and saw a few VHS tapes which could only mean one thing - BEDROOM ITEMS! A little deeper, I found my jewelry boxes, as well as a huge collection of toys that had gone MIA. I called Jen to update her on this amazing find and was on my jolly way to the grocery store.

Aaah...the grocery store. I think Lissa knows better than anyone else what it's like to shop with me. I always start in the paper goods/cat food area, work my way through the middle aisles, then produce then frozen. Trust me, this makes sense. If you start where the entrances are (produce, frozen food, bakery and dairy), everything will get warm/squished/melty/gross by the time you are ready to check out. So I stuck to my list (another Laura quirk) and picked up cat food, sammich-makings, milk, a box of on-sale pasta, trash bags, gloves (you'll see why in a bit), and some cheapy one-serving ice creams. Portion control is so under-rated. The sales that I came across knocked me over. My favorite cookies were 50% off! Rice crisps were $1.49 !! A HEAD of romaine lettuce was 99 cents!! I walked out of there with 5 bags of groceries for $40. I'm still amazed with myself.

After three trips up and down the stairs I managed to unload the groceries, a bag of dry cleaning that needs to be added to before I drop it, some clothes and the box of goodies from storage. The night has been spent in shifts of Kate & Allie, putting things (sort of) away, cleaning the kitchen, reading, and plotting the downfall of those who try and stop me.

Cleaning the kitchen was...interesting. I was in CT for 5 nights, and came home to a dishwasher half-full of dirty dishes and a sink so overflowing with filth that I couldn't even fit a little cat dish to fill with water. I decided to leave if for a day to see if anything was done...but no such luck. So today I took care of the dishes, scrubbed most of the counters (COVERED in random spills), emptied out the fridge (minus a few things that were questionable and I don't want to step on toes), took an ice pick to the three inches of water growing in the freezer (FUN!!! I may offer it as something for guests to play with) and eventually I knew I had to face the trash can.

Before I left, we had run out of contractor trash bags for our gigantic 50-gallon trash barrel we use for all the kitchen garbage (read: stinky). As it is, the trash can smelled like frat vomit, so the last thing it needed was direct exposure to the cause of stink. I can't figure out who started it, but by the time I got home, there was a pile at least up to my chest of trash, and lots over over-spill all around. There were bugs. It was a bad scene. So I put on my gloves, grabbed some smaller draw string bags, and went to work. Six bags later, I had come across the following:
-banana peels
-onions
-stuffed peppers, rotting away
-blood dripping from meat packages
-tomatoes
-rotting burgers or chicken patties or something similar
-enough soda cans to fill my gas tank if cashed in for $.05 deposits

After completely emptying the trash barrel, I put it on the porch to air out (and maybe to hide it so nobody will fill it up again for a few days until it is stink free).

Now that my life is cleaner, I can eat my rotini with mushroom & green pepper sauce and pecorino without a care in the world. sigh.


Oh and some photos from the day:

The aftermath of my trash-bagging. There was some that I couldn't reach without falling down the stairs, I will conquer it in daylight.





One of the finds in the box I took back from storage. Ohhhhh yeah....

when she called my sneakers tennis shoes, I knew she was from the west coast.

I'm trying to get all the neediness out of my system by listening to songs just up to the brink of the 24 hour rule. I Am The Avalanche is playing across the street from me and I am dumbfounded by the luck of this show.
1. location. I can sit on my porch and drink during the first three bands, then wander down to the show, look for a spot to watch the band but not get clobbered by sobbing 18 year olds, and then head to the Model or back to the porch to enjoy the rest of the evening.
2. date. As One Fest is also this weekend. Sure, I would love to see Underdog etc., but I am definitely feeling socially awkward and outnumbered at this event.
3. cost. One of my most steady reliables can guarantee that I won't have to spend 50% of my current life savings to get in to this show. (it I was to attend As One, it would cost me gas, liquor, entrance fee, food, etc.)
4. others in attendance. Anyone who would have made my night a bumout and motivated me to go back home will be in CT. I can relax and be myself.


Also, it's raining today. Who wants to drive to CT in the rain? Not this kid.

CNN is whack.

Dear Chinese earthquake,

Please sit down. You're blocking my view of the cyclone in Myanmar.

Love,
me.

nothing. really.

Things going on:

-I was laid off 5 weeks ago due to "trust issues". Still not sure what that means. The guy who lives next door to me took my job within 8 hours. No exaggerating. Being best friends with the boss definitely has its perks. My stuff from my desk has been sitting in my car since April 9th...I just don't want to take it out yet.

-Newbury Comics is also fighting my unemployment claim. The didn't give me any severance or form of income, so minus cleaning out my savings accounts and the $600 tax stimulus, I have had no income for 5 weeks. I'm down to ehh...$100. Let's see how I pay rent in 2 weeks. Should be interesting...I'm open to any suggestions. Scratch-offs aren't working, Jefferson was dead on when he called them my ticket to perpetual poverty.

-I have 12 separate credit card collection companies calling me for money that I don't have. You read that right. TWELVE. So if you've been calling me and I don't answer, that's why. It's become so annoying that I am now at the point of turning my phone off all day, then checking my texts and voice mails at 4am.

-In addition to these credit cards, I have the following bills: storage unit full of all my furniture that I can't fit into my current apartment, car payment, car insurance that doesn't exist right now (so please don't deface my car or I'm fucked and you will be too) - once I pay the balance of $3200 I am back on the road, parking tickets (if I park on a city street, I will get a big yellow boot on my tire), Northeastern tuition (they call me 2x a day too)...a few others that are slipping my mind too.

-My TV is broken. When moving into a different room, I dropped it and somehow severed the cord and now it sits in my room as a prop. I watch DVDs on my lappy and go into Matt's room to watch Lost. I suppose this could be considered a +, but I just don't see it.

-I am single. I have jealousy issues. Don't ask. Sit on it.

-I have no health insurance as of Friday, which means I am breaking some uber queer MA state law. I will be spending tomorrow getting my drugs, because I haven't had them since Thursday.

-Lissa is giving me the silent treatment because I blew her off a few weeks ago. Understandable, but sucks nonetheless. More to say on this but I really don't want to dwell and get sad.

-I lost my jewelry boxes when I moved in the winter and I just realized it at 2am. generations of my family's jewelry is now MIA. (this is what finally drove me to cry for the first time since I got fired.)

I am struggling to think of positive things I've got going on right now, but so far it's this:
+Floof sits next to me all day long in my fortress of solitude
+I have been making a lot of crafty things
-the boys (and my friends) all call me the best second grade artist in town. Ouch.
side note: maybe I will make a tribute to Jor-el and Lara that I can hang in here. totally fitting. If you get that reference, get at me. We will drink beer. You will probably have to buy.

ok back to business:
+Jammy is a little less wild, and doesn't bite nearly as much
+my IKEA plants are starting to blossom in the window, when Jam doesn't knock them over
+I have been minimizing the clothes/crap in my life and am trying to thin everything out. I drop things at clothing/shoe/book/etc drop boxes and it makes me feel better to know someone else it going to be excited to get some never-worn apple bottoms.

Tomorrow I'm going to put up the photos of my mommy, I'm really hoping that will help me pull myself together and stop being sososoooo sad and miserable.

Or I will just make a tribute to Kryptonians. That seems much more likely.