More from 2001.

2001 was a hell of a year.

I finally got access to my old BME page and ca read about all the hijinx that went down in such a good period of time. Some highlights:

*point lick*

2001/01/07 05:43 strip clubs. whoa.

i had boobies in my face. i had a stripper bite my nipple. they whispered sweet nothings into my ears and didn't charge me. the crowd cheered for more. whoa. what has happened to me? i am now officially happy with my social life. *squirts lotion into some doods anal crevice* if you ever go to Smyle's, make sure to tell them its your birthday. youre in for a real treat.

fun with lotion and tattoos and stuff.

2001/01/08 23:51 snow storm. hot dogs. wrestling. moshing. what more can a girl ask for? ps i am stinky and have been awake since 2am.

im to blame. didnt want change. things cant stay the same way.

2001/01/15 01:56

key ingredients for a fun evening include:

going to kabuki and getting wayne the hibachi chef to prepare our dinner for us again.
watching all my friends including myself getting a little silly off the sake.
cheesecake.
trading porn among friends.
going to the movies and having some strange man sitting in front of us, farting SO horribly that nobody could breathe.
when the farting man heard us all hysterically laughing and started laughing as well.
getting home before this horrendous storm started.
remembering that i cleaned my room and actually hanging up my jacket as opposed to throwing it on the floor for my dog to sleep on.

and that, my friends, is why i am single. *grin*

BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA GO!!!

2001/01/18 00:53 friends going back to college amounts for massive amounts of fun. well, ok. he IS coming back friday night. but still, what are we supposed to do tomorrow? :D

played a boardgame from 1978 that involved flying amazing spaceships (or cardboard decorated like spaceships) and fighting for one piece of plastic. battlestar gallactica. craziness. something new to focus on...board games. who needs tattoos? we have anti-monopoly and 221 B Baker Street. and it is rumored that there is a buck rogers game floating around as well. *grin* i dont want to go home and do dishes and laundry.

balls. ok?

2001/01/21 00:04 why am i still sitting here? :|

and why are you still alive :\

kisses and hugs are all i want.

2001/01/21 18:01 when did saturdays become so un-fun.

hung out with some friends. ate food. played games. lifted weights (well, not me.) played more games. lifted more weights. had a really really bad panic attack that i still cant figure out what triggered. forced someone to drive me home in the middle of a snowstorm. slept until 5pm.

is this what it feels like to be half dead?


oh, brian and james: i love you guys for putting up with my noise constantly. you are my life support, whether you know it or not.

it's the limit.

2001/02/03 01:56 cro-mags. they make brian lose his shit. antidote too. and breakdown. and one life crew.




2001/02/06 08:24 yesterday could quite possibly have been the worst day in a long long time. here is a little time line so it is as appreciated as possible:

7:00am - wake up. need to be gone for work at 7:30, and someone else is in the shower. fall back asleep.
7:20am - wake up again, jump in the shower, dont bother washing hair.
7:28am - get out of shower, stumble for clothes. put on the same thing i wore to work on friday. who fucking cares? not me.
7:40am - leave for work with stepmom in car. backing down driveway, get stuck in solid ice/snowbank.
8:15am - after a half-hour struggle to get my car out of this predicament, stepmom calls a tow truck.
8:35am - tow truck came, pulled me out, handed me a bill that i still havent looked at yet. yay! we are on our way.
9:30am - arrive at work.
10:30am - receive a call from my boss in the other office-did i remember there is a meeting in a week that nobody has been notified about? did i type the minutes yet? did i do ANYTHING that i am expected to do? no. no. and...no. off to read my shorthand and type up 8 pages of meeting minutes, while avoiding looking out the window at the snowflakes that are falling.
12:30pm - order lunch. my one savior will be buffalo wings and a calzone.
1:00pm - everyone else is starting to head home from work...except me. im waiting for my lunch and frantically trying to finish typing up these board minutes so they can get mailed tuesday. lunch isnt here yet.
1:45pm - my boss went home but im still typing. wah. where THE HELL is my lunch?!? i call again and ask where it is. they say i am next up for delivery. say byebyebye to your tip, dood.
2:15pm - lunch arrives. calzone has garlic in it and buffalo wings only have sauce on one side of them. BOO to planet pizza.
3:00pm - finally the stepmother has the sense to tell me we are going home to "beat the storm"...the storm that has been beating us since 10am.
5:30pm - we have travelled 8 miles. help me.
6:45pm - the day is looking up, we are so close to home, i can almost smell my rank dog. just 2 or 3 more miles.
7:05pm - mile to go, and i get stuck on this tiny little hill. stepmom starts telling me how to drive, what i should do, i flip on her, turn the car off, leave it abandoned on the side of the road and storm off.
7:06pm - fall in the middle of the road. fight the tears. keep walking.
7:10pm - after trying for minutes to light matches that have been soaking wet since my great fall, i throw my matches (and my cigarette)into the snow and start screaming. keep moving.
7:15pm - some doods stop and offer me a ride in their big truck. "fuck off and fuck life" is my pleasant response. keep walking.
7:18pm - happy fun neighbor family is out in the snow with their dog, playing and whatnot. i dont even smile or wave. bleh. go die.
7:20pm - home. dog attacks me. "get away from me" is my reaction. sulk upstairs about my lack of cigarettes. sulk in general.
9:30pm - after letting everyone get in much of a bad mood as i have, i go to sleep.

i hope the strobe lights dont come on!

2001/02/18 01:23 countdown to birthday mayhem. feel free to give good suggestions for what to do. or bad suggestions. any suggestions. i love the titty bar. i love blonde strippers who kiss me at the titty bar. i DONT love girls with moles on their faces and attitudes worse than my cat when he's constipated. she can get jabbed in the eye with a fork. please.

scowling gives you wrinkles.

Dear life,

Thanks for pulling a fast one on me again and fucking me over. No really, I mean it. I appreciate that you are keeping me on my toes. You fucker.

Sincerely,
me.



No idea where I will be living in September. Excuse me while I blow my fucking brains out as the only stable thing I had in my life has now disintegrated without me knowing.


Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

I'm weird.

Things brought to my attention in recent days by other people:

-I know too much about sports
-I know WAY too much about comic books
-I am in fact a crazy cat lady
-I get crazy over-analyzing stupid minor facts and don't pay attention to big pictures
-I'm a creep
-I get tattooed a lot, perhaps too often

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.

(don't ask, it's just what I'm listening to. Not all subject lines can be witty.)

I realized I didn't post any of photos from my weekend. The answer is simple - I use my phone, and I only take photos when they are really funny or relevant. So here you go:



1. My new work on my arm/elbow. Thanks LL Cool G.


2. Me being sad to leave my big comfy bed. I mean, I was REALLY sad. I delayed check-out by an hour just to lay there a little more and eat my toast in peace. I will miss you, large squishy bed with white sheets that I got ink marks all over. We will meet again someday, perhaps...


3. Has anyone seen these??? I saw them at a 7-11 in Massapequa and just HAD to buy them. I will soon trick one of my roommates to eat them. Crabby patties...crabby chips....what's next, crabby soda? Blecch.


4. This is what the Melville Dunkin Donuts considers an iced coffee extra light, extra sweet. You fail, Melville DD. I should report you to the Better Business Bureau, as you are disgracing the name of Dunkin Donuts everywhere. What a shame. At least I didn't have to pay for it, but I didn't want them to even attempt a second time.


5. My milk and sugar on the rocks, next to a REAL iced coffee extra light extra sweet. After that first abomination, I decided to wait until I crossed the CT border to take another chance. Thank you, Paul Newman! I hope you donate the profits from my coffee purchase to charity. Nothing but love for that guy.

I failed to photograph my cornucopia of room service food.
-a cobb salad (lettuce, hard boiled egg, tomato, chicken, bacon, avocado, crumbled bleu cheese) served to me completely disassembled. A little frustrating but good at the same time so I could pull the tomatoes off with one swift move. This came with fries. Odd.
-Open-face sammich. Turkey, swiss, bacon, avocado and lettuce. It had some sort of dressing on it too, but it was easily scraped off. Oh and it was supposed to come with sprouts but I said "no way." This also came with fries. These fries smelled and tasted like chinese food. I had to put those in the hallway right away so I wouldn't throw up.
-eggs benedict. My ultimate breakfast. A poached egg with canadian bacon on half an english muffin, topped with hollandaise sauce. Yummers. I also had a side of toast that I didn't think I would want until I was lying in bed (just like Brian Wilson did). I really wanted coffee at that point but I didn't trust the machine in the room OR the hotel room service coffee. Stupid Dunkin had me in a trance. Little did I know...

On top of all that delicious overpriced food, I also bought 2 large pies (one plain cheese, one white pizza), ate 2 slices and took the rest home to enjoy and not share.

I really like food.

Now it's Saturday night and feels like a Monday afternoon. I think I'll stay in bed and watch some movies while the house has its usual Saturday night excitement. I'm still really tired. Stupid driving machine.

home again, home again. jiggity jog.

After a 5 hour drive, I am back in the big city. I walked into the apartment to be greeted by a horrible stink. Aaaahhh trash. It's great to be home. Mmm. I fed the kids and lit some candles to get the stinky out of MY room (that's what I get for leaving the door open I suppose?) and checked my Gmail. Anyone who knows me knows that I screen all calls and emails and I assume that anything and anyone offering me a job is a scam. I HAVE had offers from "staffing agencies" to add my resume to their database and be given full access to their plethora of available positions, only to find out that I will have to PAY to do this. No dice.

So I had 3 emails I barely looked at with job positions in their subject line, and I decided to archive them after a second check. The first two were indeed junk, simply saying "thank you for submitting your resume, this is the last you will ever hear from us." But the third...it was an actual person! No robots! And they want to meet with me to discuss a job!! So I investigated the company and it's actually a really upscale store on Newbury Street, doing their books and billing. I wish I had looked at this one a little more carefully, they emailed me on Tuesday and I just replied today. Nuts. But either way they LIKED ME!

Maybe Boston will work out after all. Maybe. If I get this job, then I will be meeting my deadline of July 31 and I will be able to save and get my own non-stinky apartment.

Sigh. We can only hope, right?

HOWEVER - I refuse to tell anyone what the store is because I think I jinxed my last interview.

Now I will go take a nap and dream of a new job and wake up to eat delicious NY pizza that I smuggled home.

This post is costing me $9.95

It's been a productive past few days, in a sense.

Currently I am resting in a hotel room on Long Island after a long day of sleeping late, waking up for room service, napping and then getting tattooed for 3 hours. Yesterday I drove down here after quite a few hours of delays and frustrations. Arrival at 12:30am was less than desirable, but I got to have an awesome hangout and enjoy some really good company. I think I've needed a nice neutral non-Boston environment.

I really don't want to go back home. I am growing to really truly 100% hate it there. I just found out on Wednesday that the lease has NOT been renewed. aka I am FUCKED come Sept. 1.


Also, my sternum hurts today. What the hell can a person do to make their sternum ache?

birth is pain.

I have never been more miserable than right now.

Soap in my peehole.

Fuckity fuck ow.

I need to be in a car driving right now, not sitting here pounding liquids so I can flush this out.

Wah.

Sleep is for the weak.

Can't sleep again.

Big day.
Big weekend.
Big gulp?

If all goes as planned, within 12 hours I will be 3 states away and not thinking about stupid bullshit, just enjoying naps and movies and food and more naps.

Things to do (mainly as a reminder to myself):

-wake up by 10am
-eat breffix
-get an oil change
-shower
-check weather to decide on hair/clothes/etc
-pack for 2 days (don't forget a swimsuit!)
-feed the cats and remind Josh to feed them again Saturday AM
-see if my partner in crime is going to be able to come along
-be on the road by 1pm

Cartoons, not just for breakfast.

If I were to have "relations" with a cartoon character, I would narrow it down to these guys. Guidelines -

1: lanky nerds with crowns:









2. men in full costume with a smarmy personality:







3. regular guys that just plain make me laugh.

stuff going on right now.

I am still (f)unemployed. I apply to at least 10 jobs a day, I force myself sometimes, but it happens. I have had ONE interview since April - at Lush on Newbury Street, and they didn't call me back or return my phone call, so I am guessing I tanked that one. A few places have straight out told me via email that I am far too over-qualified for these jobs, but they don't realize that at this point I just need money so I can pay bills and buy gas and do exciting things such as buying new glasses.

I am really in a spot right now. I am applying to jobs in the Boston area, hoping that if I get hired I will no longer need to commute with a car. Gas prices are only going to get higher and there is no way I can talk myself into driving vs taking the bus.

I keep selling items in my storage space, realizing I hate the memories that connect with them and I really could use the cash.

BUT. If I don't see myself getting a job by late July, I am thinking it might be time to pack it in and call it a day for Boston. The things I moved here for aren't part of the equation anymore. School is unaffordable (and I have to pay them the $6,000 I owe before I can start classes again). Work is non-existent with no signs of improvement in the near future. Love life...I haven't had one of those in at least a solid year, and everyone in this city seems to know somebody else who happens to be friends with so-and-so and so on and so forth.

Therefore, I am setting a deadline for myself. If I do not have a job by July 31st, I am going to take the high road and find somewhere new to call home. It might be somewhere in New England, New York, Maryland...all I know is I can't go much longer living with 4 guys and not having any money. One very serious option is to sell my car and rent a room with my friend Casey. Another is to find a room down near Lissa.

I just don't feel a pull in any direction forcing me to stay or leave. I will have friends in places that I don't live regardless; I already have that situation and have accepted that I can't pack them and take them with me if I leave.

And beyond this whole ordeal, I need to figure out what to do with myself financially. As it stands, I am parking my car in secret undisclosed locations to dodge the repo man. I have so many collection calls a day that I don't bother to answer my phone unless I know who it is, and even then it's still 50/50. Rent is due in a week and I haven't even tried to cross that bridge yet.

I am almost tempted to find a job, work there until September and save enough money to move and then leave. I just want to get out of this rut and I am finding very few options outside of leaving the Boston area.

Input is always appreciated, even when I get defensive. I have too much pride to admit that I failed sometimes, and this is the biggest lump of failure I've had to swallow in a long time.




Oh and PS - I'm also allergic to bee stings. Think Robert Goulet.

Sweat seeps in your eyes at night and you realize that no one understands you.

Talk of peanut butter lately made me want to make a list of my allergies. Here goes...

-Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, Nuprin)
-Amoxocillin (Augmentin mainly)
-tree nuts (macadamia nuts, brazil nuts, cashews, almonds, walnuts, pecans, pistachios, chestnuts, beechnuts, hazelnuts, pine nuts, gingko nuts and hickory nuts)
-peanuts and peanut butter
-grapefruits (no Fresca for me!)

I used to be allergic to freshly cut grass, but it doesn't seem to bother me as much now.

Can't sleep...clown will eat me.

It's 7:15am and I haven't been to bed yet. At 5am or so, I found a PERFECT job at Whole Foods doing payroll, so I killed some time and applied there.

Here's to hoping I am back in the stable world of living soon and can move out to my own place soon-ish. I'm hoping for a Sept.1 move-in date.

Boston mass is the...rippenest town? Not so much...

pretentious

Main Entry:
pre·ten·tious

1: characterized by pretension: as a: making usually unjustified or excessive claims (as of value or standing) b: expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature 2: making demands on one's skill, ability, or means : ambitious

Dear Boston,

I'm over you. I am tired of your dance nights and coke parties full of two-faced fence walking people posing for photos together just to be seen (or scene). Clearly I have outgrown you and have no need for anything that you offer. I'd like to say it's been real, but it hasn't. This city is the LA of the east coast, with the phoniest people I've come across in my life.

Peace.

I love my friends more than ever when I'm down and fucking out.

(spelling and grammar have been corrected to make us look wise beyond our years.)


me: I'm cranky as shit and just wrote a pretend letter to my old boss
Casey: I do that all the time
me: I want to send it!
Casey: I write emails on MS word then don't send them cuz I'm a pussy
me: "Dear Tracy, thanks for firing me and refusing my unemployment, therefore guaranteeing that you were ruining my life. I'm not sure if you've heard, but this is the worst job market since 1981. I have resorted to selling my own furniture to pay rent. Thanks for the opportunity for me to see what it feels like to really have nothing. It makes me grateful to not be as greedy as you. but back to the point at hand. Thank you for not giving me a chance to defend myself in a situation where i was a deer in headlights. and thanks for generally ruining my life. I hear karma's a bitch, you might want to make sure you stay on the sidewalks for a while."
Casey: that is the sweetest email ever, but I would advise against sending it, because, karma has a way of rewarding the good people and that might score some bad points
me: i have also contemplated robbing her
me: or banging her boyfriend
Casey: fuck the asswipes that don't give a shit about others, and you need to concentrate on you Casey: I mean the world I'm drunk
me: haha I've got $7
me: and negative $280 in the bank
Casey: hey I'm really excited that you are coming to visit btw I think we got lots to discuss, I too am a slacker retard that is way better then corporate world chooses to see
me: we should start a company
me: but I need to sell my bed in order to visit
Casey: actually that is what I'm planning to do
me: doing what?
Casey: start my own company
Casey: production
me: hmmm i will come move in and bring floof and jammy
Casey: I would welcome you with open arms you got 400 bucks a month if so you are in like flynn
me: hahaha i have $7.
me: im also running from the repo man
Casey: close enough, we can make this work
me: not really a "desirable" tenant

What a busy day of nothing...

Just made myself some dinner (Radiatori pasta, some random sauce I had left over, and grated pecorino) and now while I wait for Tiff to be ready, I will make a list of ideal (but not essential) qualities in the next person I date.

-taller than me. No budging on this one. I'm all set with my height but I like feeling tiny when I'm around someone and knowing I can fall asleep with my knees in the back of their upper thighs. It's hard to explain, but it's very comfortable. Also feeling the presence of someone on your spine is very reassuring.

-Horror movies. Don't get me wrong, no guy is going to openly hate Friday the 13th, but I need someone who will put up with me watching parts 1 thru 8 on a monthly basis. And being terrified and hiding my face, asking when it's safe to look. I even like to be tricked and uncovering my eyes only to see half of someone's brain oozing out. Sometimes.

-Food. If you don't like food, what are you doing even associating with me? Waste of space. But beyond that, I need someone who will keep an eye out for my moronic allergies and warn me if I may die from what I just ordered off a menu. And I like to sneak things I'm allergic to as well. Don't ask me why, I just do.

-Drugs are bad, mmmmkay? I live with them and I can tolerate them, but I'll be damned if I start any sort of emotional connection to someone who would rather smoke a bowl than read a book.

-Cleanliness is next to godliness. I've been spoiled and all the men in my life have bathed daily, sometimes more than once a day. Not a bad habit, folks...

-Most importantly, I want someone who makes me want to be a better person. I don't need a "fixer-upper" guy who I see a bunch of flaws in but tell myself "it's ok, he's really nice...let's forget the seedy underhanded things that he does to pay his rent" etc. I want someone who has his shit together and will kick my ass into gear.


So - need and want are two different things. If the right moment came along, I could probably create a new list completely different from this one. But right now, this is what I feel that I need. Not want, but need.

Except the allergy thing. Try to keep me alive if you want to date me, please? thx.

pick-me-ups.

-my spinach seeds are starting to sprout; my garden wasn't totally washed out by the huge storms after all!

-I just found a box of 100 cal smart food bags. So good.

-Pet Shop Boys make everything better. I have the biggest fag hag crush on the singer.

-I can see the sun setting and it's a lovely shade of purple tonight.

Things can only get better...Howard Jones told me so.

fuckity fuck fuck fucker fuck.

Bad day. Bad bad bad bad day.

Frannie's family tailor shop burned down. To the fucking ground. There is NOTHING left. I cried when I read the article and saw Fran's zio standing there looking defeated. What the fuck kind of bullshit is THAT, God?!? Hasn't that family been through enough? Not posi.

I still haven't heard back from the dillhole who offered to buy my bed. It's awesome that he wants to drive down from VT to buy it. Not so awesome that he HASN'T REPLIED in two days and I turned other people away.

I need money. Badly. I am close to tears about this. Hate this. Grr.

A few minutes inside my brain...

me: oh i also sent an awesome petty text to xxxxx
me: "hey, you owe me $$"
me: :D
Jen: hahaha
Jen: think you'll ever see it?
me: i told heather to put a little fear of god into him
Jen: hahaha
me: not to say id actually do anything, but its good for him to know that i can very easily do something
Jen: hahaha
me: jen, i AM a bully!!! im classic ADHD girl
Jen: it's ok laura
Jen: you're just a little......excited
Jen: and you want to share it

a koala's lament.

Dear Laura,

Stop writing blogs on the first day of your period.

For reference, please see June 15th and May 14th.

You'll thank me for it later.

Sincerely,

Your sad little heart.

It's one of THOSE posts again. Don't read it if you don't want to be bummed.

-I spend, on average, 22 hours a day in bed. The other 2 hours are spent using the bathroom, smoking, or preparing food. For some reason I see no need to change this.

-I haven't been on a "date" since December 2006 (I think.) By date I mean meeting up with someone, going somewhere specifically to get to know them, eating some food or doing some sort of activity, not having other people there for "hang-out" buffers, and sharing a car.

-I haven't kissed anyone since December 2, 2007. That one is official, and makes me officially pathetic.

-This past Saturday would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary.

-Last night I watched "Ordinary People" and laid in bed sobbing until 6am. I know that movie gets to me so much, I purposely packed the book away to storage. Anyone hungry for a big heaping serving of masochism?

-Had a job interview at Lush last Monday. They haven't called me back. Phooey. I've been sending my resume to more than a dozen leads a day, and this was the first interview I've had. Um...keep the faith?

bleh.

Burnt by the sun.

We (Jen, Tiffany and myself) went to the beach today. I am tired and will try to add commentary to these photos as much as possible:





Me, self-portrait. You never realize it, but you can't see anything when you take your own photo on a sunny day.


Jen took this one, I think she was trying to be sly and I caught her.


Also taken by Jen.


happy Laura likes the sun!


The water was a nasty shade of chartreuse, these photos don't do it justice at all.



My classic "feet at the beach" shot. I've taken one every year since 2005. Go me.


This little McNugget came along for the fun.



Dressed in its best beach gear.

Oh, did I fail to mention the THOUSANDS of jellyfish that ruined any chance of me going in the water?

Haven't these cats ever heard of Rosa Parks?

SEGREGATION NEVER!





INTEGRATION NOW!!!

hunks, dreamboats, hubba hubba...

I decided just now, right this very minute, to make a collected list of my celebrity crushes. In no particular order:

-Steve Martin
-Dan Akroyd
-Chevy Chase
-James Caan
-Tom Hanks (sometimes...)
-Tim Roth
-Owen Wilson (except in Royal Tennenbaums, Luke wins by default)
-Christian Bale
-Glenn Quinn (RIP)
-Anderson Cooper
-Jake Gyllenhaal

Recent excitement (or lack thereof) in my life...in pictures.

1. Jammy has trouble cleaning his own tail, he can't really reach it. I helped him out today. He was very appreciative. Lissa later sent me a video of her cat, Toby, who does the same thing. Boys will be boys....




2. A sign down the block from me that I saw while driving home this afternoon. In case you can't read it, it says:

BOSTON RESIDENTS
HAZARDOUS WASTE
DROP OFF AT ASS
SAT JUNE 14
9AM - 3PM

Made me laugh. I'm 12, I know.





3. My dad and Jacob (my sister's boyfriend) wandering the streets of NYC today. I'm sure there is a reason why they took a shot at this spot, I'll find out some day. Maybe.





4. Momma showing a dress that we found at Macy's. I didn't try it on, I thought Jen would be interested. I then tried on a bunch of nana clothes and had a mini temper tantrum. I HATE Macy's. I am waaaay too young for that garbage. Mommy also told me that I need to start buying wrinkle cream and control top underpants. Ooof. At least I managed to get my hair cut and coloured.





5. Mono is my co-pilot.

Does that make Floof my Blondie?

When I was visiting my dad, he told me that my sandwich making style is Dagwood-worthy. Today I made a little one and decided to take photos for documentation.

First, I sliced a poppy seed kaiser roll in half, and put a heaping serving of Grey Poupon on either side.
Then, I placed 3 slices of maple cured turkey on the bottom half.
I followed this with 3 slices of provalone.
Then 2 slices turkey, 2 slices provalone.
Followed up with 1 slice turkey, 1 slice provalone.
Finally, I topped it all off with 2 huge pieces of romaine lettuce, ripped into smaller pieces.

VOILA!



Now...I have been known to make ridiculous sandwiches in my day (stay clear from me if I'm at a deli or sub shop), but this one is pretty plain. Other in my past have included:
-peanut butter, jelly, banana, honey and bacon
-BLT with turkey, mayo, mustard, pickle slices, and olives (spanish, of course)
-roast turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and gravy all on very thick french rolls (stupid restaurant and sub chains stole my idea, I swear)

One day I will make a sandwich too big for my mouth. I get pretty close to it these days...

Everything came up milhouse!

Today was kickass good. here are some excerpts and photos as needed.

I didn't go to bed until 5:30am (at least), but managed to wake up at 11:30am. This is a serious accomplishment. AND I didn't nap. I was tempted to, and I was laying with Floof for a bit, but no sleeping occurred.

Around 1pm or so I remembered that I needed to move my car. I had parked it illegally in a "permit only" zone. I feared the worst - ticket? A big yellow boot on my tire? Towed to the impound lot? I got to my car to see...nothing. The lovely Boston area ticket-issuing community looked over my car, but gave tickets to others. I swiftly moved my car back into the driveway, where it is safe from the wicked hand of the Boston Parking Devil.

I watched a few episodes of Kate & Allie on Netflix, and decided being without a TV is probably for the best right now. In between episodes, I cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher twice and made myself some lunch. Everyone knows that I love fast food more than I love...well, something. But I really need to utilize the food I have in-house.

I showered (yay me!) and met my TV-purchasing buddy at my storage unit. While waiting, I chatted with my dad, who seemed happy to talk but got on my case about job hunting... meh. He said I seem to be able to come up with a reason to not apply to anything. I shot him down and told him I applied to a bunch of places yesterday - namely New Balance, WGBH (local PBS station) and Sam Adams (yay!). Hopefully someone gets back to me next week.

The new owner of my Sony giganta-screen TV met me and loaded her prize into a van. I decided to poke around in my storage space to see if I could find my jewelry (see earlier entry on this one. Bring kleenex.), and low and behold I found a box that wasn't taped up! Anyone who has seen me pack knows that I wrap, tape and label EVERY SINGLE BOX and to find one sitting wide open was a great sign. I peeked inside and saw a few VHS tapes which could only mean one thing - BEDROOM ITEMS! A little deeper, I found my jewelry boxes, as well as a huge collection of toys that had gone MIA. I called Jen to update her on this amazing find and was on my jolly way to the grocery store.

Aaah...the grocery store. I think Lissa knows better than anyone else what it's like to shop with me. I always start in the paper goods/cat food area, work my way through the middle aisles, then produce then frozen. Trust me, this makes sense. If you start where the entrances are (produce, frozen food, bakery and dairy), everything will get warm/squished/melty/gross by the time you are ready to check out. So I stuck to my list (another Laura quirk) and picked up cat food, sammich-makings, milk, a box of on-sale pasta, trash bags, gloves (you'll see why in a bit), and some cheapy one-serving ice creams. Portion control is so under-rated. The sales that I came across knocked me over. My favorite cookies were 50% off! Rice crisps were $1.49 !! A HEAD of romaine lettuce was 99 cents!! I walked out of there with 5 bags of groceries for $40. I'm still amazed with myself.

After three trips up and down the stairs I managed to unload the groceries, a bag of dry cleaning that needs to be added to before I drop it, some clothes and the box of goodies from storage. The night has been spent in shifts of Kate & Allie, putting things (sort of) away, cleaning the kitchen, reading, and plotting the downfall of those who try and stop me.

Cleaning the kitchen was...interesting. I was in CT for 5 nights, and came home to a dishwasher half-full of dirty dishes and a sink so overflowing with filth that I couldn't even fit a little cat dish to fill with water. I decided to leave if for a day to see if anything was done...but no such luck. So today I took care of the dishes, scrubbed most of the counters (COVERED in random spills), emptied out the fridge (minus a few things that were questionable and I don't want to step on toes), took an ice pick to the three inches of water growing in the freezer (FUN!!! I may offer it as something for guests to play with) and eventually I knew I had to face the trash can.

Before I left, we had run out of contractor trash bags for our gigantic 50-gallon trash barrel we use for all the kitchen garbage (read: stinky). As it is, the trash can smelled like frat vomit, so the last thing it needed was direct exposure to the cause of stink. I can't figure out who started it, but by the time I got home, there was a pile at least up to my chest of trash, and lots over over-spill all around. There were bugs. It was a bad scene. So I put on my gloves, grabbed some smaller draw string bags, and went to work. Six bags later, I had come across the following:
-banana peels
-onions
-stuffed peppers, rotting away
-blood dripping from meat packages
-tomatoes
-rotting burgers or chicken patties or something similar
-enough soda cans to fill my gas tank if cashed in for $.05 deposits

After completely emptying the trash barrel, I put it on the porch to air out (and maybe to hide it so nobody will fill it up again for a few days until it is stink free).

Now that my life is cleaner, I can eat my rotini with mushroom & green pepper sauce and pecorino without a care in the world. sigh.


Oh and some photos from the day:

The aftermath of my trash-bagging. There was some that I couldn't reach without falling down the stairs, I will conquer it in daylight.





One of the finds in the box I took back from storage. Ohhhhh yeah....

when she called my sneakers tennis shoes, I knew she was from the west coast.

I'm trying to get all the neediness out of my system by listening to songs just up to the brink of the 24 hour rule. I Am The Avalanche is playing across the street from me and I am dumbfounded by the luck of this show.
1. location. I can sit on my porch and drink during the first three bands, then wander down to the show, look for a spot to watch the band but not get clobbered by sobbing 18 year olds, and then head to the Model or back to the porch to enjoy the rest of the evening.
2. date. As One Fest is also this weekend. Sure, I would love to see Underdog etc., but I am definitely feeling socially awkward and outnumbered at this event.
3. cost. One of my most steady reliables can guarantee that I won't have to spend 50% of my current life savings to get in to this show. (it I was to attend As One, it would cost me gas, liquor, entrance fee, food, etc.)
4. others in attendance. Anyone who would have made my night a bumout and motivated me to go back home will be in CT. I can relax and be myself.


Also, it's raining today. Who wants to drive to CT in the rain? Not this kid.

CNN is whack.

Dear Chinese earthquake,

Please sit down. You're blocking my view of the cyclone in Myanmar.

Love,
me.

nothing. really.

Things going on:

-I was laid off 5 weeks ago due to "trust issues". Still not sure what that means. The guy who lives next door to me took my job within 8 hours. No exaggerating. Being best friends with the boss definitely has its perks. My stuff from my desk has been sitting in my car since April 9th...I just don't want to take it out yet.

-Newbury Comics is also fighting my unemployment claim. The didn't give me any severance or form of income, so minus cleaning out my savings accounts and the $600 tax stimulus, I have had no income for 5 weeks. I'm down to ehh...$100. Let's see how I pay rent in 2 weeks. Should be interesting...I'm open to any suggestions. Scratch-offs aren't working, Jefferson was dead on when he called them my ticket to perpetual poverty.

-I have 12 separate credit card collection companies calling me for money that I don't have. You read that right. TWELVE. So if you've been calling me and I don't answer, that's why. It's become so annoying that I am now at the point of turning my phone off all day, then checking my texts and voice mails at 4am.

-In addition to these credit cards, I have the following bills: storage unit full of all my furniture that I can't fit into my current apartment, car payment, car insurance that doesn't exist right now (so please don't deface my car or I'm fucked and you will be too) - once I pay the balance of $3200 I am back on the road, parking tickets (if I park on a city street, I will get a big yellow boot on my tire), Northeastern tuition (they call me 2x a day too)...a few others that are slipping my mind too.

-My TV is broken. When moving into a different room, I dropped it and somehow severed the cord and now it sits in my room as a prop. I watch DVDs on my lappy and go into Matt's room to watch Lost. I suppose this could be considered a +, but I just don't see it.

-I am single. I have jealousy issues. Don't ask. Sit on it.

-I have no health insurance as of Friday, which means I am breaking some uber queer MA state law. I will be spending tomorrow getting my drugs, because I haven't had them since Thursday.

-Lissa is giving me the silent treatment because I blew her off a few weeks ago. Understandable, but sucks nonetheless. More to say on this but I really don't want to dwell and get sad.

-I lost my jewelry boxes when I moved in the winter and I just realized it at 2am. generations of my family's jewelry is now MIA. (this is what finally drove me to cry for the first time since I got fired.)

I am struggling to think of positive things I've got going on right now, but so far it's this:
+Floof sits next to me all day long in my fortress of solitude
+I have been making a lot of crafty things
-the boys (and my friends) all call me the best second grade artist in town. Ouch.
side note: maybe I will make a tribute to Jor-el and Lara that I can hang in here. totally fitting. If you get that reference, get at me. We will drink beer. You will probably have to buy.

ok back to business:
+Jammy is a little less wild, and doesn't bite nearly as much
+my IKEA plants are starting to blossom in the window, when Jam doesn't knock them over
+I have been minimizing the clothes/crap in my life and am trying to thin everything out. I drop things at clothing/shoe/book/etc drop boxes and it makes me feel better to know someone else it going to be excited to get some never-worn apple bottoms.

Tomorrow I'm going to put up the photos of my mommy, I'm really hoping that will help me pull myself together and stop being sososoooo sad and miserable.

Or I will just make a tribute to Kryptonians. That seems much more likely.

an open letter to alcohol...

Dear booze,

This morning I woke up with the worst sour stomach I've had in ages. I don't get it - when did we get to this point in our relationship? I realize and will acknowledge that I haven't always been faithful. I prefer to think of it as variety, but I never consider the "quality over quantity" factor. Lately you make my sick to my stomach. I can't say that I haven't had these feelings in the past, but when they revisit me it just stays as a constant reminder of how blatantly cruel you can be.

Does it amuse you to make me into a social Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? I invite people over, then sneak away from them and go to bed...who wants to be friends with a person who does that? I just took a long shower to try to wash away the memory of you. Unfortunately, I had a glass of milk before my shower, forcing a lovely vomit-induced reminder of how you really feel about dairy products.

I think it may be time for us to take a break from each other. We both know that I've said this before, and it may only last for a few months, weeks, days or hours, but I really need to re-evaluate our relationship and approach this from a new angle, with a clear mind and a full belly.

Now if you don't mind I am going to try to sleep this one off and hopefully not be reminded of things I broke - including promises.

I knew you'd be gone as soon as you could. And I hoped you would.

Crap crap and more crap.

My uber-crush turned into an uber-disappointment, how surprising. I mean, it was completely unlike every other guy I know or put any effort into. At least I got a case of beer out of the deal, I suppose?

I got really sad today remembering how shitty of a year it's been for a lot of people I care about, myself included. Hopefully my garbage and drama is finally wrapping up this weekend and I can finally go on to be myself and learn to be less of a dumbass.

I'm grinding my teeth a lot.

I hate that I have to go into a room and not know what to expect or what to face and be angry from the moment I step foot inside, and then somehow go to work and function. Luckily drinks will be served promptly after work and I will be getting tattooed on Sunday and seeing good friends for the next few weeks.

The love of my life comes home for a few weeks and I don't know where to begin on the excitement/stress/build-up this is going to give me. The last time we were together, I broke bones in my hands and my feet and made a typical fool of myself.

stuff...

-why don't some boys ever kiss? weird.

-how much of the population these days drinks tap water?

-I have an uber-crush.

knitty knit.

Some progress on Christmas gifts. I had a dream that it was nearly Christmas and I had nothing ready, so I had to go shopping last minute. Horrible.

"What does that mean?"

I'm going to start telling people that I got my chestpiece as a tribute to Seinfeld. It's too much of a pain in the ass to try to explain to everyone.

Sometimes I read the "missed connections" on craigslist and hope that one if for me. Then I remember that I never leave the house, so nobody could spot me and feel like they missed out on something.

Knitting at 6am while watching Sesame Street is totally healthy, right?

Comings and goings, ebbings and flowings...

Summer gardening has become a fabulous hobby. I gave my first two ripe tomatoes to my two best girls. Someday thy will hopefully see eye to eye and we can feast on the bounty together. I made a pesto out of my basil, and it is sitting in the freezer waiting for the winter when I really want something fresh and summer-y to eat. The peppers are starting to grow, and are just too cute for words. Once they turn red, I need to come up with something good to make from them. Tomorrow I will pick the red tomatoes (there are 2 more), and make a pot roast or a stew. Something hearty and healthy and fresh.

Knitting took a break so far this week in exchange for ... nothing.

If I forget between now and Christmas, I would like a dehydrator and a pressure cooker/canner so that I can become a bit more self sufficient. My "bad foods" shelf is nearly empty, so there will be plenty of room for canning and dehydrating. Next step - clean out the fridge and defrost it.

The start of a scarf...maybe?

I figured since I'm not working, I might as well start some of my holiday projects. I have a few half-finished scarves of different colors, and I need to start working on an afghan for on of my lovely ladies...but I won't start that until she knows the sex. So for now, I will try to finish some of these scarves, and be a good gift-giver.

Here is one that I started last night rather than work on my other projects...typical me.

a typical day in the life...

I left my house to pick up my car (costing me $751.35 for new brakes. Not cool) and right before I left, I made sure to water my little tomatoes...only to be greeted with this 10 minutes later.

migraine.

I've been detoxing myself from Celexa, and it gives me thee worst migraines you could ever imagine. Reading about other people's withdrawal symptoms online, I am NOT looking forward to the next few weeks. Up until now I would take half a pill when the headaches were bad, but now I am just going to try to go as long as possible without that half a pill.

Moving on. If you had $5,000.00, what would you do with it? I am actually being a good girl and paying off a lot of my bills. I am tired of ignoring phone calls because I know they want my money. And if I have any leftover, I want to go visit James in Norway. That reminds me, I should renew my passport.

I really should start to write down the funny things I say at the bar. A recent conversation:

Jen: I think he's fighting with his girlfriend.
(at this point I went to the ladies room to investigate)
me: yeah, some girl is screaming at him. Go check it out...
Jen (upon her return): Ok I saw her, the girl in the booty shorts.
me: You mean that Glad trash bag she put on?

It really isn't nearly as funny now that I read it.

wallet.

I woke up this morning and struggled for a few hours trying to remember what his wallet looked like. Finally it came back to me. It was black leather, possibly man-made materials and a big embroidered iron cross was on one side. Two metal snaps were an upgrade from velcro. Those metal snaps wore holes in all his pants - two lonely symmetrical holes. Those holes were always on the outside of his right back pocket, he wore his wallet in that pocket with the snaps facing out, preventing awkwardness when he sat down.

There was a cheap chain attached to the willet with a flimsy clip that always got stuck on out seatbelts when he sat in the passenger side. When the clip finally gave out, I bought him two replacements for a gift. I think it was Christmas. The length of chain was the key, and I never got a chance to sneak a measurement. The other end of the chain had a leather loop he could attach to his right front belt loop. It was more of a security (and forgetfulness) measure than a fashion statement.

I wonder if he has upgraded to a more acceptable couture wallet. It wouldn’t seem acceptable to approach the New York society with a wallet chain...it would seem too simple for them.

I’m not sure what makes me more upset - trying to come to grips with the fact that I’ve lost the person, or realizing that soon I’ll start losing the memories and the details. Is this like “Beaches”, when Hillary starts ripping apart her beach house trying to find a photo of her mother’s hands? I’m at a loss...

you're so typical.

I was pumping gas this morning, and saw a VERY attractive guy walking by in a t-shirt, and full sleeves. As he went into the gas station to pay, I unzipped my hoodie just enough to give myself a little cleavage, and stared at him as he walked back to his car...only to notice he was driving a taxicab! My dreams all came true for a brief instant. Then I hopped back in my car and faced my reality. Not quite as fun as the thought of hopping in that cab...

the internet is so smart.

Well, I took a career quiz today, and it said:

"You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind, without having to be involved with lots of people. You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be involved deeply in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others at all costs.

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like things to be left in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something.

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them."

Some careers suggested:

Novelist
Photographer
Vet
Medical Technician
Paralegal
Geologist
Marine Biologist
Graphic Designer
Online Content Developer
Webmaster
Computer Security
Producer
Computer Programmer
Technical Writer
Systems Analyst
Meteorologist
Artist

Now, I can look at this list and cut it down just by knowing what I will be bored doing. this leaves me with:

Novelist
Photographer
Vet
Geologist
Marine Biologist
Graphic Designer
Producer
Meteorologist
Artist

I think I need to start doing a bit of writing, and maybe see where it takes me, maybe send things in somewhere...I'm at a bit of a standstill now. crud.

word em up.

ATTN: you people who owe me money. You know who you are...stop ignoring me.

To people who seem to be ruining my days...stop being selfish. Try ruining someone else's. Like your parents. I'm sure they are very disappointed in you and what you've made of yourself.

Also, claiming "blissful ignorance" or "poor me" to justify your actions doesn't float. You aren't a dumbass, you haven't been hit with a lifetime of misery and sorrow, you're from the suburbs and things could be a LOT worse.

Morrissey didn't write those songs with you in mind.

random observations.

-All boys cheat. Really, I promise. All of them. James Garvey is the only one that I can think of who never has. Maybe the fact that I'm friends with guys and they seem comfortable enough to give me the play-by-plays of their sex life makes me a little more aware of this than other girls? If I try to bring it up to other girls I know, they will either:

a. say that I am a bitter jaded old cat lady

b. turn angry, defensive and say I'm lying or

c. get sad and realize they've been cheated on

-Why does facebook need to let me know when people are broken up by notifying the entire public with a little picture of a broken heart? What a bum out.

-I'm having one of those downhill moments in life when I become astoundingly disappointed in people that I consider my friends. When the phrase "I expect that sort of behaviour from xxxx, not you" dances through my mind over and over again, it's time to start hanging out solo.

-Is there an easy way to tell if a lobster is male or female? I hate referring to them as "it".

-New sofa tomorrow. Floof is very excited. She has been saying goodbye to the bit of carpet that she will no longer have access to...